I'm not a big fan of porn in general...Sometimes the storylines (when they exist at all) are pretty comical, though! I do wonder if porn is the reason so many men are really bad at sex ...Sex with an emotional connection is 1,000X better...which is one (of many) reasons I would never entertain an "open marriage" policy. I would definitely fall for my "side piece" because I'd be ultra selective when casting my reel. ;) 

stevo wrote:

I have noticed that there are a lot of beautiful women out there! nuff said.

Yes, Stevo! I'm still with my spouse, too...but one effect his coming out had on me is that I notice other guys more now...I used to find myself quickly breaking eye contact when I'd catch an attractive man checking me out on the train or wherever...I no longer do that...There's a certain sort of comfort in knowing that there's a great big world of possibilities out there.
 

A little light-hearted(ish) content for those who are in a place where they can kind of laugh about how much it sucks to discover your partner is not so straight after all.

I came across this blog a few weeks post D-day... still floating in a fog...and suddenly 15 pounds lighter (probably from all of my crying!) I needed the laugh...and this straight wife delivered.

https://www.thestraightwife.com/home/2017/5/30/the-six-sense-six-signs-your-spouse-isnt-straight

Hi Rocky—It sounds like you and your wife have a wonderful friendship. That does not have to change. I know the desperation to keep the family intact for the kids, but your happiness is also important. At the end of the day, your children just want two happy, loving parents.

You said: "There are more important things than sex, right?"
Yes...that's true...but it's pretty damn important in my book... ;) Do you want to spend the rest of your one precious life celibate? That sounds awful to me...then again, so does having sex with someone who is disgusted at the thought of heterosexual....coitus. Ouch.

You asked: "Is there a way we can keep this together but be happy?"
[color=#454545]*My* honest opinion: no...not the happy part, anyway.

You mentioned the possibility of opening up the marriage...I have no experience with that, so everything that follows is purely opinion...But *I think* open marriages (for the most part) are just a short-term solution to delay the inevitable. They take a lot of work...and a ton of communication...and don't have the best success rate. If you do decide to go this route, others may be able to point you to more valuable resources/forums.

Just thinking about things (practically)...If you do decide to date outside of the marriage:

1. You're going to have quite a challenge finding a woman who wants to be the third wheel in this complicated dynamic.
2. No-strings-attached sex sounds pretty simple in theory, but there's always...*ALWAYS* the possibility of becoming emotionally attached...And what happens then?
3. There's a very real chance that if/when you fall for someone else....you're going to be reminded (or perhaps experience for the first time) how truly amazing it feels when the physical + emotional elements align...How great it is to be with someone who desires you completely. (And what happens then?)

Your wif

Sadly, we all know that "in a fog" state. After my husband told me he is bisexual, I felt like I didn't know which end is up. I think Lily is spot on: Telling you he loves you and wants your marriage to work out just isn't compatible with exploring his sexuality with men (assuming you—like most people who get married—want monogamy). Don't let him string you along or gaslight you into submission. 

I like Lily's suggestion. Approach him calmly & tell him you'd like to get a divorce so you're not "holding him back" from discovering himself and his "needs." I have a feeling he'll change his tune...or (more likely) try to play a game of "let's make a deal." At the end of the day, you'll never regret staying true to your values and *your* needs. 

Take care...I know this isn't easy. <3