her about my story, the gay porn, the denying, the lying about it, the hiding it, saying he could stop, the didos, the naked pics....you get the idea.  She "specialized" in gay/lesbian issues.  She flat out told me, I'm sorry but I think my role here is going to be to help him come out.  I was like FINALLY, yes, thank you, that's all I want is a damn admission so I can move on with my life instead of questioning whether I'm doing the right thing by giving up on someone who says he loves me so much.  So she met with him and by the time I see her again the entire scenario had changed to the same shit:  he's just curious and it probably stems back from when he was 10 and a neighbor boy made him give him a blow job so your choice is either to leave or decide that you're ok with it.  And if you're ok with it maybe just give him alone time to LOOK AT GAY PORN.  Lady, you have got to be shitting me.

This is common and part of working an affirmation model.

The client/patient is allowed certain freedoms by agents within their life system (e.g., family, peers) or are considered at later risk for developing a downward cascade of psychosocial adversities including depressive symptoms, low life satisfaction, self-harm, isolation, posttraumatic stress, and suicide ideation and attempts stemming from the shame mechanism.

In a nutshell, you need a new therapist. This one has jumped the fence to his side and now believes what he says about working through his "molestation ordeal".

The therapist is between a rock and a hard place. She/he can't very well dismiss him as lying. To do so would be unethical. But it is clear, that you need support right now, for you and you alone, away from him and anything going on with him.

Katie,

I'm so sorry.   My mind is racing with the erasure he is foisting upon you and how you must be feeling. His masculine identity, your relationship, your family dynamic, his ability to think rationally, the very understanding of what gender means, what you understand you are as a woman and what you understand it is impossible for him to ever be.

It's all so much. Too much.

The only thing I can really say is foisting that kind of erasure upon children is something to think long and hard about. When we teach children that discarding our logical understandings to feed paraphilias is a thing to do, we set the stage for the children to adopt the same mentalities. And when we teach our children that fetishes come before how we value and treat other people, we set the stage for that mentality as well.

I'm so sorry, Katie. Your heart must be shattering. I know that because mine's cracking just thinking about you.

this is the same narrative used by the people and organizations, like NARTH (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality), promoting conversion therapy

Narth? I've never heard of this. This makes me want to check his phone history for a narth entry.

​If your husband truly believes his trannie/penis/gay porn addiction can be cured by conversion therapy, I say: have at it! Let him go through conversion therapy and succeed at it...all without you. I'd suggest the following approach: "I agree that you are ill and may be suffering from a form of porn addiction. While you are going through conversion therapy, I believe it's best that we separate. Once you are cured of your homosexuality and porn addiction, please feel free to get back in touch with me." If he accepts he's the problem, that also means he's the solution. But he has to do all of this on his own.

This ^. Yes, this resonated with me very much. I think you're dead on. He puts me in an awkward position fighting my own epistemology. I concur, agreement and turning it back upon him is exactly the way to shut it down.

I hope that helps my friend

It does, Sean. Thank you very much. I greatly appreciate you sparing me a few moments.

DH, lol, yes, that is in a very basic nutshell what he is stating.

He remarks that as a result of psychological corruption, deviant sexualites emerge. Psychological corruption taking many forms from the benign (social conditioning via overly positive feminine representation, think everything your male child watches on Disney being princess based) to damaging psychological experiences (neglectful or abusive father causing a severe rift in your intrapersonal dialog on masculinity).

When the hubs and I split (not my current guy situation) I did what Phoenix did with a twist. I retained a lawyer for my protection and treated the situation as a mediation between the two of us. My exact words to him were, look, we can work this out like sane adults, or I can have my lawyer nuke your ass in court for so long there will be nothing left to split or take away after the attorney fees are paid on both sides. Your choice.

In the event he stopped cooperating with me or started jerking me around, he would have heard, my lawyer will be contacting yours. And that would have been it.

Cost for me was approximately $3,000.