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| Support » Feeling out of place » March 12, 2024 9:52 pm |
- Adrift456
- Replies: 13
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SWEngineer, I feel some similar vibes to you. I also feel out of place here. My wife was not a narcissist, didn't cheat on me. But I am not as magnanimous as you, I feel anger and betrayal even though she's doing it in the open after coming out to me. But in my good moments, I feel empathy for her and hope for her happiness. But it gets clouded by those feeling of being heartbroken, sad, alone, and abandoned.
I also am hurting by seeing my wife happy in a new relationship. I haven't thought of it as jealously, but maybe it is. To me it feels elemental, something deep in my core saying "how can you do that those things with that person instead of me?" I'm not talking about only sex, but intimacy, being a romantic and life partner, going on trips with my children. The feeling of being replaced feels so present all the time. My therapist has made it clear that it is not possible to replace me, and while I understand that, on its face it still feels that way.
Don't feel you should be angry if you are not, accept whatever feeling is right for you, in this moment. It may change, for me grief goes in waves through all the major phases and then wraps back around through all of them again, its not a straight path out of this dark place we're in.
| Support » Forgiveness » March 6, 2024 3:02 pm |
- Adrift456
- Replies: 22
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The posts by M-kate and TeeWee made me finally register and decide to post because they spoke to me. These forums so often are filled with anger (while totally understandable because I also have anger), the anger is not helpful in getting out of this emotional hole.
I am struggling mightily with forgiveness and not feeling angry and resentful. Yesterday was the 1 year "anniversary" of my wife coming out to me. She never cheated on me, but very soon after disclosure started a relationship with her co-worker and said she was in love.
She has apologized a thousand times to me, but it all comes off as words compared to the actions. We had been together for 16 years, I'm 40 now, basically our entire adult life, have two young children, and are scheduled for our divorce hearing in a month after mediating to an agreement last October.
There is nothing to be bitter about regarding the divorce, the child custody, money, doing things behind my back, etc. But to me, those are the details about life, love is what makes life worth living. Its all so soulbreaking, this was my person, my partner in everything, our relationship always felt to me like a dream. She is conscientious to me, but is also moving on from me and its heartbreaking. Like TeeWee is dealing with on the difficulty that their partner may have found someone else. It would be one thing to disclose this thing and make us both alone, but she never experienced what I have for the last year of not only being dropped by the most important person in the world to you, but to also be alone during that time and feeling the emptiness of that void in your life.
I want her back in my life, but I would need to forgive her in order to do that. Finding a way to forgive and come face to face with her hand in hand with her girlfriend just seems impossible.
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