Hello, I just recently learned about the SSN by way of internet searches for the answer to:  how can I tell if my significant other is gay?  I hope that Sean is still available to answer questions, though I'm a bit ashamed to even be asking...

I am a 39 y.o. single woman.  I have been with my boyfriend, J, for almost a year and half.  J is 32 years old, so there is quite an age difference there.  He is the son of Southern parents who embrace liberal politics but in reality live very traditional, conservative lives.  In my opinion, it seems they embrace a sort of "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy where emotional subjects are off the table.  I feel these people only know how to interact with each other on a small-talk basis--the opposite of my family.  

J is very attentive (even needy at times), generous, and caring.  About two months into our relationship, at my urging, we had sex.  It was amazing.  One night, when the sex was initiated by him (God, that seems like a zillion years ago), our condom broke.  He expressed extreme anxiety about pregnancy, and never had sex with me again.  I went on the Pill--something no single, childless but child-loving 39 year old woman wants to do--to appease him, but that did not quell is fears.  There is zero effort on his part to engage me sexually.  No exploration, petting, or stimulation, although he loves to hold hands, and snuggle.  His kisses lack passion and I sense he is eager to stop kissing me (he denies this).  He hates to be alone in his apartment and will often insist on spending the night with me, even though I've told him that sleeping together (not sex) is an intimate act for me and I prefer to only do it with someone I trust deeply. 

Needless to say, we have had many, many arguments about the lack of sexual intimacy.  His excuses vary, but can be summarized as follows: 

(1) Fear of pregnancy before he is "ready."
(2) "Sex isn't right for me right now."
(3) General anxiety.

He also reminds