OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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| Support » Two Years Too Much » February 14, 2023 8:04 pm |
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Separating is hard, I know
I moved out about 4 months ago and working with a lawyer to come up with the separation agreement and subsequent divorce decree and it’s so hard. And he’s been gaslighting me through our whole separation and the months leading up so it SHOULDNT be hard and he’s transitioning to a whole new gender and yet it’s STILL hard. There’s still the love for the other person there but I just keep telling myself I deserve to be happy too.
Best of luck, stay strong.
| Support » Two Years Too Much » February 14, 2023 6:48 pm |
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This is definitely out of my wheel house but I do know you deserve happiness as much as he does. YOU deserve someone who you are sexually compatible with. And so does he—whomever that may be?? It doesn’t sound like he really knows either. But you know what you’re into or not into at least.
Do what’s right for you.
| Support » What about me » February 14, 2023 7:59 am |
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Thank you everyone for the supportive and kind words. This is definitely never a situation I'd ever see myself in. I don't think he can help feeling like he's in the wrong body. But I do think he's in complete control of his narcissistic behaviors and the fact that his narrative for our split will always be "She left me for my genitals" bothers me. I honestly would have at least TRIED had he not been so manipulative and rude and gaslighting me daily. Would I have stayed had those behaviors not been there? Maybe not. But I would've tried to see where it went at least.
I just hate feeling like I'm the bad guy in this scenario.
| Support » How to accept this new life? » February 12, 2023 9:42 am |
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- Replies: 8
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I’d recommend couples therapy and individual therapy for yourself. You need to figure out what this means for you guys as a couple and yourself as an individual. When I found myself in this same situation I kept telling myself I needed to stay because he deserves support and happiness but my therapist helped me come to the realization that I’d be staying for him, not for me. Which is true. I really couldn’t and can’t see myself being happy with him as a woman. Forcing myself to be a lesbian wouldnt be fair to me and I’d be very unhappy in that relationship. I would be staying out of feeling obligated for him and our child.
But please note my soon to be ex spouse turned into a jerk in this whole thing so that contributed A LOT to me leaving but deep down could I be happy with a woman? Probably not.
You can still be supportive if you’re not together. But it’s so hard because I feel like we’re in an age where if you don’t stay together with unwavering support you’re viewed as transphobic. But not everyone’s sexuality is that fluid. It’s tough and isolating. Good luck!
| Support » What about me » February 10, 2023 8:45 pm |
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I'm new here and just really want to vent.
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Last June my husband (he/him, per his preference at this time) told me he identified as trans and wanted to transition to female. Talk about a freaking shock. I had ZERO idea. ZERO. But he told me that in 2017 he was diagnosed with gender dysphoria and had taken hormones before for a month before chickening out and trying to lock the feelings away. Very shortly thereafter he met me. He didn't tell me until last year which was about 2 years into our marriage with a one year old in tow about any of this.
I of course felt hurt. Upset. Betrayed. Angry. Guilty for feeling all of those feelings (because he's the one who has been having to live a lie all these years! How must've that made him feel?) And panic because I'm a straight woman... I don't want to be with a woman! But then I found out that his friends and family all knew that he identified as trans during the entirety of our relationship. And even his ex girlfriend knew! I knew NOTHING. He never told me. So of course I felt extra hurt by that huge withholding of information. I sobbed for days.
But then things turned worse fairly quickly as he started hormones without telling me first because I was taking too long to process... he started 9 days after he told me the news. He would gaslight me, guilt me, emotionally manipulate me, etc in an attempt to get me to stay.
"I don't know why this is such a big deal, this would be the same as if I were to just gain weight or dye my hair. I'm still me. I just look different on the outside."
"I can't believe you'd let something as trivial as my genitals stop you from loving me."
"Obviously you only loved me for my body if you don't want to stay."
"I'll only stop drinking if you promise not to leave."
"So what if I started hormones already? You wouldn't have even known if I hadn't told you. It's not like i'm going to walk through the door a woman one day."
So on and so forth. It had gotten to almost daily arguments or i
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