I think that forgiveness requires accountability- how can you forgive someone who is still lying to you?

I’m not sure what happened here - someone posted asking Sean about being the boyfriend who the cheating husband wasn’t showing up for all the time; that post was taken down, I assume because this is a space for the women on the other side, but then - a chill, Why? I know I thought that maybe it was one of the guys my husband was cheating with, and maybe some of you all did too. That was maybe the point, to send that chill. And I don’t think we should let that happen. No more manipulation, no more fear, no more feeling shame around issues that simply aren’t ours. Repeat - simply aren't ours. I went pretty deep trying to “help” mine, find the right therapists, read all the books - but as his brother said when I told him: “maybe it’s not a therapist thing.” Anyway: No More Manipulation. I’ve had enough.

Hi all - me too, more like 7 years since the first overt signs that he was leading a double life and will be filing for a relatively amicable divorce this month. I finally decided he’s just nuts and will never tell the truth. Not to me anyway. Ok. Moving on.
One layer that is coming off now is the protection I had to assume against what must have been another insane aspect of this whole mess - I think he really resented me but he’s the one who locked me in here! How crazy is that? He wanted - still desperately wants - the cover story and someone to do the “wife” caretaking jobs but simultaneously resents being stuck in a heterosexual marriage and sees the structure he put in place as something to rebel against, push back on. Holy smokes - so glad to be getting out of that trap.
There are so many deep psychological problems in these f’d up relationships. And - they are the fault of the person who is lying. Full stop. Fraudulent conveyance. Mine has to externalize everything - all someone else’s fault. But nope. It’s not my job to wade through his lies and operate on the other side of the looking glass. It is my job to get out, now that I know, and that will be this month. Thank God.

Touché

But you know the answer. I do kind of love him. But I keep saying to myself: Harper fing Pitt, Rose. Harper Pitt. For any of you who haven’t watched Mary Louise Parker slap her gay cheating husband, it’s worth waiting for.
https://www.hbo.com/angels-in-america

Moppy:
In addition to the forum, you might want to try the peer-to-peer resources in “find support” here. I was matched with a person who was very helpful - one thing she said that stuck with me was: “stay in your own reality.”
Good luck to you - you aren’t alone in this.
Rose