Well ladies I listened to your wise advice. His conversation with me yesterday afternoon had nothing to do with any of the things I have discovered. Nothing.

He wanted to discuss how much longer our daughter might be staying with us. She moved in at the start of the pandemic, she found it all too much to manage on her own and she was lonely and feeling a bit scared living alone. She asked to moved back home. Her father and I both agreed at the time it was a wise decision. Now he wants to know when she will be moving out again. She is not moving out, not until this pandemic is well behind us. 

I was very, very upset with him yesterday afternoon when I found out what it was in fact what he wanted to discuss. I lost it and started crying and left him standing there. It was too much.

So, in many ways, I am glad I followed your advice, but I’m no further ahead, to getting to an honest discussion with him. 

Any other advice, how do you ever resolve any of this? If, we do not bring it up? I’m feeling so confused, never in my life have I felt so much confusion.

I truly thank all of you

Hello,

I’ve made a little bit of progress in the last couple of days in terms of managing my strong emotions.

Just when I’m beginning to regain a bit of myself, yesterday my husband informed me that he would be finishing work early today and he had something he wanted to talk to me about this afternoon. I’m expecting him to arrive home around 1pm.

I tried asking him what he wanted to discuss with me, he just replied it’s better if we have this discussion this afternoon.

I tell you, at this point, I’m tempted to have that  box of condom sitting on the dinning room table, just waiting for him when he arrives home. I want  to have a discussion, very much.

So, hopefully I will have some honest answers by late this afternoon. Any discussion at this point, is better than what I’ve living with. I just want to know what is really going on, I want him to tell me the truth.

I really want to thank everyone again. I slept a bit last night, not much, but it did helped me gain a bit more perspective this morning. My heart is still beating wildly all the time though, I feel like I can hear my heart just bounding in my chest.

Today, my husband is at work. Im really hoping I can calm down enough to allow me to think clearly. I need to be able to think, but my emotions are so high, all I end doing is bursting into tears and I cannot focus on anything else.

I need to figure out how I’m going to have this discussion with him. I’m not the type of person who usually sits and waits long before I take action and I’ve already been sitting on the porn issue much longer than I normally would, for reasons previously explained.

That I am accidentally continuing to find these types of items is alarming to me.

Daryl, I have to mention, after reading your response, I am going to postponed my usual no BS approach discussions and wait till I am more confident, not only in myself, but the entire situation that seems to be unravelling before my eyes.

You raised some very interesting points in your post for me. It’s not only the trunk of a car that is not accessible to me, it’s an entire car. He has been working on this old car for the last four summers. I have not seen any progress being made on this old car. This past summer was suppose to be his final attempt at fixing the car, next to nothing was done.

Similarly, I have an entire garage that is also very much off limits to me, vast majority of time. You have no idea how much this irks me to no end. All of my gardening tools and material are stored in that garage. I can never even enter this garage most times because he leaves all sorts of big tools lying around, it’s a huge mess in there, same kind of mess as the interior of that old car.

In terms of discussing this issue with my daughter, I have no plans on discussing anything with her at this point in time. Although I am very close

I thank all of you so very much. Truthfully, my head is spinning, it’s been spinning all day, I can’t get it out of my mind. I have so many emotions coming at me at once, it just doesn’t stop.

I do not feel ready to discuss these discoveries at this time with my husband, especially the bag in the closet. He removed the bag from the closet sometime today. I do not know about the other, I have not had an opportunity to look.

How did you all cope with this? Today was awful, it was worse than awful. I feel like he is looking at me suspiciously, it’s probably just me, but I feel so nervous about all of this.

I need to re-read all your comments and give myself a bit of time to absorb all of this. I just don’t know how I’m going to do this while pretending nothing is wrong. I just don’t know, but I know I don’t feel ready to discuss any of this yet. Thank you to all.