OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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1 | Strategies for MOM's » Can he be happy? » January 30, 2024 10:55 pm |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 16
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I am so sorry M-Kate. You deserve an apology. You deserve for him to take accountability for his actions. I am honestly not sure how I would move forward without that. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
| Strategies for MOM's » Can he be happy? » January 26, 2024 5:10 pm |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 16
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M-Kate
I definitely do not find it any more or less acceptable. Infidelity is infidelity. People cheat on their partners every day. Some people can come back from that and rebuild the relationship and some never can. A lot of bisexual men have expressed that they do not see it as cheating because it was with a man... honestly, I think that might be a form of compartmentalization and internal justification to make themselves feel better. To minimize behavior they likely knew was not ok.
| Strategies for MOM's » Social Science Research on Infidelity and Divorce Rates Bisexuals » January 26, 2024 1:10 pm |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 5
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Hello Jay!
Unfortunately there just simply are no REPUTABLE studies out there. I personally have found after over 17 years in spaces such as this.. that the happy, successful, "normal" couples living in mixed orientation relationships are simply just doing it quietly. As if it is no big deal. Often they are confused about why it is such a big deal and why groups like this are needed.... so the data is very skewed. People find themselves in these spaces because they are struggling. That makes it feel like ALL mixed orientation relationships must be struggling or on the brink of failure but it simply is not true. We are just seeing into a very specific window here. I do want to let you know there are positive spaces out there with many couples who are striving to make it work.
You hit the nail on the head right here..
"Success in these areas must depend on many factors in most cases. The quality of the relationship overall and the individuals involved must be key pieces of the puzzle. "
| Strategies for MOM's » Can he be happy? » January 25, 2024 5:32 pm |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 16
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Hello,
…
I hope you are doing well. I know all of this is still incredibly fresh and feels scary. We have all been where you are. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and your feelings are valid.
It is 1,000% ok to not ever be ok with non-monogamy. When my bi husband came out 17 years ago I was very clear that monogamy was all I wanted. For us, I found that communication was key. Constant, open, honest, judgment-free communication. We also had to learn to speak each other's language, because while we were talking a lot.. we were not always communicating EFFECTIVELY. It took some time for BOTH of us to learn to listen and HEAR each other and stop trying to do those things from a place of fear. When it was from a place of fear nothing was getting through. The biggest thing for us was finding ways to SAFELY have these conversations about all the possibilities of life (including non-monogamy). Being open to learning about things and understanding them better does not mean you're agreeing to them. But educating yourself and also allowing him the safe space to talk about his feelings can only bring you both closer and give you all the information you need to make a fully informed decision.
He just came out. It is VERY common for a newly out partner (ESPECIALLY one who has severely repressed their feelings for the reasons you stated) to have a bit of a dramatic awakening. Sometimes they go through something referred to as a second puberty or a second adolescence. They can often get lost in their emotions and the excitement of FINALLY allowing themselves to feel things they have never allowed themselves to feel. Sometimes they can get blinders on and get a little carried away. It is ok to call this out. They still need to be respectful of your feelings and be patient. It is also very common for a lot of bi folks to have a VERY strong urge to want to explore right after coming out. Especially in older generations as they tend to have a bigger feeling of
| Strategies for MOM's » Our MOM story is featured in a book! » January 25, 2024 12:17 am |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 4
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My short answer is this.. If ANYONE finds themselves in a situation with a serial cheater who is lying, gaslighting, not working on their relationship, abusive in any way, and not having sex with them anymore then I would ask them why they are staying. I think it is really as simple as that. It doesn't even have to be made into a big sexuality issue at all.
I would never encourage anyone to stay in an unhealthy or unhappy situation. But when a partner comes out that does not automatically mean they have been or will be unfaithful. It does not mean they will want to open the relationship. MANY simply just want to be loved and accepted for who they are and I try not to jump to any conclusions other than that.
| Support » MorandMore group » January 24, 2024 9:16 pm |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 9
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Hello M-Kate
Thanks for joining our group. 🙂 Your feelings are valid and your story sounds like it has been a complicated one. The point of our group is positivity and making our mixed orientation relationships happy, healthy, and successful. And yes, our intent is to learn to celebrate our partners as opposed to begrudgingly accepting them. That is the only way you can have the important conversations that you need to have. It is the only way to move forward from a place of just surviving, to a place of peace and love. I am not here to try to tell you your pain is not valid. You remaining with your husband speaks to your strength and willingness to love and forgive him.
My entire drive for creating my group years ago was comments like this...
"Many of the women on the site claim that their husbands haven't cheated. I'm skeptical. They may not know."
We're there to uplift and support others. We're not there to scare people into not trusting their partners or scare them into never trusting them again if mistakes have been made. There are plenty of negative places out there to make people feel worse. We strive to not be another one of them. It's perfectly ok if we are not the group for you, although we do hope you will stick around and see how others have made it work despite the pain they felt early on.
| Strategies for MOM's » Our MOM story is featured in a book! » January 23, 2024 7:44 pm |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 4
| Strategies for MOM's » Our MOM story is featured in a book! » January 17, 2024 5:33 pm |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 4
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Three years ago Rob of the podcast Two Bi Guys interviewed us for what would eventually become his book, "Bisexual Married Men - Stories of Relationships, Acceptance, and Authenticity". His book mainly focuses on bisexual men married to women (A very underrepresented demographic). We are incredibly excited and proud to be a part of this book! Our story is just one small example of the reality that so many live in. We are so honored to be able to speak about our story and be a small part of how we're bringing light to the mixed orientation relationship community.
…
Rob had us on his podcast recently for a follow-up interview to discuss our story again and touch on what we discussed in the book. Rob is doing great things to bring awareness and visibility to bi-married men and the complicated things they face. If you are interested, here are links to his podcast as well as the book.
Link to book (Currently on sale and free shipping through this site)
Link to book on Amazon
Two Bi Guys Podcast on Spotify
Two Bi Guys Instagram
| Strategies for MOM's » SSN/Our Path was the first resource I found… » September 22, 2023 4:25 pm |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 7
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I really don't come around much anymore either but I try to peek in from time to time to see if anyone is looking for a positive experience because that is what I was SO desperately searching for all those years ago. SSN was also the first place I found, and that was over 17 years ago now. Unfortunately, I had the same experience as you and eventually left. It instilled so much more fear and distrust in my husband, beyond anything I already had. I understand the pain of most people here. I know there is usually good reason for it and they need a place for it. I definitely feel that is valid and their pain is valid. At the same time, these spaces do not often feel like a place for healing and moving on but rather a reminder of how stuck people can remain. Finding camaraderie and a sense of belonging can be important. Finding people who truly understand what you are going through is priceless. That is one good thing about these spaces. The problem is when people come here looking for hope and positive experiences they are met with a lot of anger and assumptions. And those of us who do try to remain positive or share our positive stories are pretty much told we don't belong here and there is no place for us here. Like us sharing our success stories somehow invalidates their terrible experiences. Humans are complex creatures... not all straight people are innocent victims and not all LGBTQ people are narcissistic lying abusers. Nothing in life is that simple.
| Strategies for MOM's » I'm putting forward a request to change the name of this board » February 5, 2023 12:13 am |
- CMaree23
- Replies: 11
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Since this section doesn't apply to you why come to it? Why request a name change just because you don't like it when MOR/MOM are pretty well known acronyms for our situations?