Thank you, everyone, for your honesty and open discussion.  My heart goes out to each of you, resonating with much of what has been shared.

I met my husband in '82 when we were both active duty and stationed in NC.  My husband of 38 yrs came out a month ago, the week before Christmas.  This has been very hard for me to navigate through. I understand it's okay not to be okay; to be angry, grieve, feel all the effects as if the man I married had died.  Yet, I also recognize that the man I fell in love with, married and began a life with never truly existed, and I don't know how to digest that.

With his confession in Dec.,and the ensuing weeks since, he has admitted many situations that have dissolved the foundation of our family, the core of our unity.  "Tell the truth, as the truth will set you free!", is his new motto...  with his truth he claims he feels free and happy; yet as his freedom soars incredible pain sears my heart, the foundation of our family and life together dissolved. Who is this man I married?  The times he held me, loved me, made promises to me?  Now he just seems a stranger...

We are both 61.  We agreed prior to children, I would give up my career in the service so to be home with the kids, as we were both "latch- key" kids and didn't want that  for our kids.  So, any work I found was during school or evening hours, minimal wage.  Any opportunity I was offered where I could advance in a new position, he would get angry and refuse support. 

Moving 23x  for his "work", though he has since confessed other motives, my job security was non- existent.  As I continue this journey into my "golden years", it will not be with the man who I thought was my best friend, who I loved dearly.  The solidarity of our family has been destroyed as I grieve the love for a man that never was and a life that he created with me as his cover up. Yes, I get it... we were the generation where being gay was not accepted, layered with being gay in the mil