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This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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| Is He/She Gay » A FRIENDLY MESSAGE FROM A GAY EX-HUSBAND » November 8, 2019 9:14 am |
- mumof3
- Replies: 38
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a_dads_straight_journey wrote:Mumof3
Regarding closing comments of your long post, yes - it is the perennial dilemma of the Straight Spouse, somehow stick it out for the stability of the children or leave to have a relationship with integrity. Best wishes as you sort this out but you seem to have a rational command of the issues.
All the best,
ADSJ
Thank you ADSJ for your reply and support. He and I have had a long and what felt like an honest conversation about it all and now I am processing all we discussed and deciding what I need to do, if anything.
I do believe we have a relationship of integrity - there is no infidelity or interest/ intent in doing anything sexual with anyone else on either side - so it feels more an issue of mutual fulfilment than anything. I am getting my head around all this and may be back to share more or seek more help in due course!
I really appreciate everyone's support, thank you.
| Is He/She Gay » A FRIENDLY MESSAGE FROM A GAY EX-HUSBAND » November 8, 2019 9:08 am |
- mumof3
- Replies: 38
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Thank you "control" for your reply and support. I am definitely in 'figuring out' mode. He and I have had a long and what felt like an honest conversation about it and now I am processing all we discussed and deciding what I need to do, if anything. And letting my brain and emotions just get used to what I now understand and didn't before.
| Is He/She Gay » A FRIENDLY MESSAGE FROM A GAY EX-HUSBAND » November 3, 2019 8:50 am |
- mumof3
- Replies: 38
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Thank you for replying.
Given all I wrote, it is ridiculous to imagine otherwise, but nevertheless it is a shock to have someone say those words to me: "Your husband is gay".
And yet in another way, the simplicity of those 4 words takes away the ifs and buts that I have spent so much emotional energy on. Nothing can change it; so I have to deal with it as a reality, not wish it away.
Whether he accepts this is another matter.
I am having that conversation with him later this afternoon.
I hope wherever you are in re-building your life, you have people around to support you. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.
| Is He/She Gay » A FRIENDLY MESSAGE FROM A GAY EX-HUSBAND » November 3, 2019 6:28 am |
- mumof3
- Replies: 38
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Hi Sean
…
I am preparing to have a conversation with my husband having discovered gay porn sites on his ipad.
The initial conversation 2 days ago :
- he denied it was him who accessed the sites
- when I insisted it must have been, he froze, standing in the middle of the bedroom staring at nothing. It was as if he was a trapped animal
- he got very cross and clammed up
- I reminded him I had found paper print outs of gay porn about 10 years ago in our home office (which he also denied all knowledge of, claiming it might have got put into his work papers by mistake. I had the choice to either believe him or to not believe him. At the time, with 3 very young children, it was easier to believe. )
- eventually he acknowledged he had printed those off 10 years ago
- he said he is entitled to some privacy and fantasy
- he then closed the conversation down, refused to continue and left the house for 2 hours with no phone, wallet or house keys until midnight. I believe he walked the streets
I am insisting we have a fuller, proper conversation. I want to clear my head beforehand, so am writing this all down.
We have been married for 24 years and have 3 amazing and well-balanced teenagers.
He says he has never been attracted to anyone except me.
He says he has never been unfaithful - neither have I - and that if we are both committed to being monogamous each other, that is what counts.
He has never questioned me about time I spend with an ex-boyfriend who he knows was my first lover
He did once say he felt jealous when I told him someone at work had invited me to bed at a works do
He has never really commented on my body
He is not a narcissist like others you describe. He is the kindest, gentlest and in all other parts of his life the most honest person I have ever met. He has a strong work ethic, is atheist and liberal in his politics (as am I). He has always been a feminist since student days and very respectful to both men and women
Sex has always lacked passion and
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