Thank you for the input. My husband, also the father of my children is my best friend and I can't for see a future when I don't feel that way. I think his family and religious upbringing  has caused great damage. Good news, for now anyway, well good and bad news, he is sober. He was arrested for a DUI. Since then he's been sober and working hard to stay that way. I am urging him to go to counseling.  If he is gay, maybe that will come up and he can work through it. I sincerly want him to find happiness. And I will support him with that however I can. No matter what we are parents, even if we cease to be romantic partners. If he eventually comes out to me, I think I might be relieved not to have to wonder. And we can keep working on our friendship but he may never do that, and live in inner turmoil. Who really knows I can't predict the future. But Im pretty sure I know him better than anyone, and I'm sure not going to be surprised or angry with him. I guess I will focus on my own personal healing and being a supportive wife. Hoping the sobriety sticks this time. I wish he could know that I'll always be on his team rooting for him. But at some point, I'll need my own emotional needs met. One day at a time.

I joined this group today. I am overwhelmed and don't k ow what to do. I have my suspicions that my husband is gay but not sure of course. He is also an alcoholic. I think the root of his problem is that he is in denial and self medicating. I made an appointment to see a counselor for my self to help me deal with the stress of having an alcoholic spouse. I think I'll make the jump to go to an alnon meeting also. We have two small children together, this is no life to live. There is no future for us unless he gets treatment for the substance abuse. I want more than anything for my children to have their father in their life. If it turns out that he is in the closet, I truely love him and hope he goes to therapy to help him to live a happy life. Even if that means we get a divorce. I won't hate  or resent him for coming out. I know his religious upbringing would be enough for him to repress all that. I just want him to get healthy and happy. I would support him through the process. But I don't think there is anything I can say to him. I don't want to make accusations. Maybe if we attended marriage counseling that would come up. I wish I could let him knownthat he's part of the family no matter what and that we wouldn't disown him. The drinking though, that's the kicker. That one is getting to be unbearable. So if he gets help, works through his denial, and hopefully someday finds a healthy relationship he would be a better father and role model for his children than someone who lives a lie and self destructs. I don't know. Thank you for being a safe place to ent these feelings. I have a 2 month waiting list until I can see a therapist and I'm trying to hold it all together until then. Hopefully, the alnon mettings will be the positive change I need to at least get started to holding my family together. What I'm scared of most is my children not having a father. I'd much rather them have a dad who is gay than one who is a drunk. I'm so scared it might just be that thei