Continuing my journal in hopes that as I make progress through this saga, others will see things they can take away and learn from (whether they be success or mistakes that I've made). 

Most of the last two weeks was a vacation.  I had the opportunity to travel to India with some old friends.  it was a fantastic adventure.  I had a chance to reset and center myself.  It was the opportunity to get away from life as I know it and find myself.  

I would strongly recommend that everyone takes a vacation after going through divorce - after your spouse moves out, etc..   It doesn't have to be as crazy as mine.  In fact mine was so busy and active that it's probably not the best type of vacation.  I also know that divorce and separation can be very hard on finances, so it doesn't have to be a long or expensive trip either.  Can you go camping?  Visit some old friends/family in another state?  Take a train or bus tour?  I think it's really valuable to disconnect for a little while.  We get so wrapped up in the little daily stresses of life that I think it hampers our ability to think introspectively.  We need a chance to really reflect on where we are, what we've been through and how we can move forward to better places.  
Stepping away from normal life helps us gain perspective. 

Here's what I learned while I was away:  The bad things I was scared would happen did happen, but as it turns out, they aren't really so bad. 

7 months ago I was so scared.  I was almost paralyzed with fear.  I was afraid of losing her and the life I knew.  I was afraid of being alone.  I was afraid of living alone in my home, only having my sons half the time.  I was scared that I would be scarred by the TGT and having to live through divorce and separation. 

Guess what..   All those things have happened..   And I'm fine!  The things I was afraid of came true.  But now that I'm here I have found that I'm not unhappy.  In fact. to my surprise. I AM HAPPY!   The things I thought would be horrible have turned out to be ok.  Where I thought my life would be empty.. I see now that my life is so full and rich.  It's my life now and it's a good life.  I can see now that the marriage I thought was so strong and wonderful was actually not so great.  I am now full of hope for the future and hope makes me happy. 

I was scared to death about losing the woman I loved.  That happened.  It was horrible and hurt me more than any experience in my life.  But today I can say that it's ok.  Instead of being buried in despair and grief over what I lost, I'm realizing that there is hope for something much better.  I can be a very happy person without my ex.  Even if I'm alone without a love interest, I am happy.  My life is not empty, it is so full.   And guess what.. I don't have to live forever without a love interest.  I've continued to communicate with a new interest and it brings such a glow of hope and potential to my life.  I'm fine if it doesn't work out.  I'm protecting my heart.  But I'm so excited about the possibilities.   

I remember exactly what it was like to be in the depths of grief.  I know how it feels to claw your way forward through each painful day.  I know how the roller-coaster of recovery feels.  I'm moving forward and forward is full of hope and sunshine. 

I want to bring each of you with me.  I will continue to share my walk forward.  I know there are more challenges to come and i will share those hard times as well as the good things.  I want those who choose to read my account to take something positive away that they can use to help themselves move forward as well. 

 

Last edited by lostdad (February 28, 2017 12:15 pm)

Lostdad,

Always good to hear..we need to hear we'll be ok.

I hear the party is at your house?
Free hugs for all.  I'll bring my letter to burn.

Lostdad, I remember that you were one of the first to "welcome" me to this forum, and your kindness.  Please know that what you've said really does make it more possible to walk forward with a sense of confidence and hope.  Thank you!

I'm new here, I just read your first post and your last two posts. I have goose bumps, I'm so happy to hear you're happy now! I wish you all the luck with finding a great new love.

Last edited by Duped (March 10, 2017 2:09 pm)

Duped, 
Welcome to our group.  I hope you find as much support and healing here as I have found.  
We will see about the new love.  I'm taking that slowly and not making my happiness dependent upon that.  


JJ,  I do think a vacation would be wonderful for you and laying on the beach with some drinks and books and lots of "me time" would be great.  India was awesome, but not the most relaxing place to sit and think.. lol