Nothing showing up for me when I clicked on it Anon

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Anon2222 wrote:

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Nothing showing up for me when I clicked on it AnonE

Thanks for the heads up. I will try this again.

It worked the second time!
For me personally....I didn't need a life coach to get me through this but I suppose there are many people able to afford it. The thought of somebody profiting from my pain, and telling me what I need to get through it, thinking they have the answer.....my answer to my journey....just seems wrong.

E
 

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

I didn't need a life coach to get me through this but I suppose there are many people able to afford it. 
 

A lot of trauma coaches are trained as therapists but can't use those titles overseas and when working with different patients.

I saw a childhood trauma coach when my son was born, to try to deal with stuff from the past. She had 18months of specialty training in trauma. She really explained the difference between coaching and therapy as coaching being more solution/forward focused while therapy is more analysis and introspection.

I have started seeing a therapist for coaching around discovery and closeted spouses etec after my spouse committed suicide last month, leaving me alone with a baby and a toddler and a hot mess to clean up. After 2 years of incredibly heavy gaslighting and increasing passive aggression and outright aggression, when I finally asked for a divorce and started trying to get help, he lost it in an incredibly public breakdown while in his home country (we lived in a third country for his work), friends took and the kids in for the weekend and he continued to spiral out of control until he ended it Monday morning.

Upon his death, messages and notes confirmed his "Germany plan" of forcing me to stay in the country and isolating us because it would allow him to slowly explore how far he wanted to go with transitioning to female, and things that show he was at least trying to go for full custody and best he would have made me disappear. Really darn terrifying confirmation of my worst fears. He had convinced me I was going insane and tried to get me to believe I was the abusive.

No life insurance. No pension of course. I came back to the country we were residing in to try to navigate all the paperwork with no local language skills or much knowldge. He had tied up all money in his name to strengthen his position and it's really hard to tackle it all and organize and international move, be the only financial provider and deal with full time childcare responsibilities with a very limited support network in the country we were living.

$100 a week to start processing these things, discuss emotional barriers and fears to getting the crap I need to get done...done...and having a safe space to vent so I'm not sobbing and vommitting trauma all over the friends I am already leaning heavily for more practical support with translations, documents, bureaucracy and occassional childcare...is money I cant afford not spend at the moment.

I can see how for some it can seem a luxury, but for others it is a lifeline and needed resource.

And yeah, someone is profiting, but as someone who has spent much of my life self-employed I get that the person who is helping me also has bills and needs to be compensated for her time.  She is no more exploitative that a doctor or probate lawyer or other professional. It is just a shame there are enough of us to keep these therapists and coaches in this field.

@Thelight  I've been quietly stalking these boards and reading others' stories since my spouse came out as trans (and walked it back...after telling me my friends and I "overcomplicate what it means to be a mother and a woman") while I was pregnant last year. That followed two years of discoveries and disclosures where he went from saying it was "burnout" to "depression/anxiety" to "porn addiciton" to "gay porn addiction and him being bisexual" to him having a long hidden past of relationships with men and trans prostitutes, to him being a crossdresser with an extensive habbit of virtual sexual relationships to him being trans to him just being overburdened by me working too much and not doing enough of the domestic labor.

My story took some crazier turns than most, but there are so many overlaps between what happened in my house and what others have shared. The other stories really gave me the confidence to open up to people around me and not just doubt myself and continue to hide in the closet he built me. 

I'm very thankful for that.

I'm also thankful for professionals who have worked with other straight spouses and can hold our truths without just being shocked and overwhelmed.