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April 18, 2024 11:41 pm  #1


Realizing she is gay

Hi, I’m new to the group. I guess I’m looking for validation.  We have been married 28 years, together 32.  I remember her clearly telling me after a few dates that she had given up on men prior to meeting me.  I took that as a compliment at the time but looking back it was a clue.  We married and had kids. The sex was great until a few short years after our second child.  Yes, it has been like 15 + yrs since we had sex.  I stopped counting and trying. It was both our faults but her answer was that she simply didn’t like it.  We never sought counselling but she admitted to me she just didn’t like the idea of a man on top of her.  We are just roommates and friends now.  We live are own lives. She has befriended women over the years who fit the stereotype of lesbians. All have been a few years older than her.  She has brushed it off saying she is an old soul and feels comfortable around older women.  The friendships last about a year making me wonder if they are more like girlfriends.  It is always like they break up.  She has gone away on trips etc., and the friendships are always in a row, ie not as a group.  When she befriends a new women she seems to fascinated by her, making me wonder if it is more than friendship. I’ve never actually said to her directly are you a lesbian?  I guess I don’t care anymore.  

 

April 19, 2024 2:50 am  #2


Re: Realizing she is gay

Welcome Earl....you're in the right place

I'm female, knew my partner was bi after we'd been together 20 years and it still took me another 18 years to decide to leave him. 
There are men here who will have advice, solace.....words of support for you. 

Again....welcome 

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 

April 19, 2024 4:14 am  #3


Re: Realizing she is gay

Earl,


Welcome.   As a straight guy years out from this...yes...she is lesbian.

I originally coming to this forum thought my sex life was ok.  Now looking back I realize. ..no. I always had to initiate. After kids...yeah..sex was a chore for her.   It should not be a chore. So it's like she realized she didn't like it. 

Don't beat yourself up. Know that you gave true absolute love and affection.   She gave..held back love and affection?  Tolerance?

One thing you and I didn't give is hurt. 


Wishing you strength and self love on your journey.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

April 19, 2024 3:33 pm  #4


Re: Realizing she is gay

Hi Earl,

"I don't care anymore" is a great place to start - because that's basically where some of us find we end. Once we realise that being given an admission by our partner is not necessary for us to know the truth and to take action on it.

Also came here to say - tonight I shared something with my stb ex-wife that I had never shared before. She responded with an admission about her own past. It was a little bit vague, but we both knew what she meant. It felt like a lovely moment when we had finally come clean with each other. I think we might really learn to be proper friends after a frosty year as we broke up. It's like she is becoming a different person as the mask is slowly coming off. It would make me so happy for her if she could come out. 


 

 

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