Hi Mel,

Sorry to hear your story.  I have to admit my thoughts are that you need to brace yourself and consider if he has been 'trickle truthing' right from the start.

Much as I feel sympathy for a person being stuck with such a difficult sexuality, I don't think you can look to him for the care and consideration you need from him.  

I think it is an unfolding scenario - at the moment he is like a teenager trying on clothes and flirting with his image in the mirror and around the corner he will want to attract a man with his feminine appeal.

Read Out Of His Closet's story, she posted here a lot at one time and did a lot of research into the topic.

At one stage he was declaring he wanted to have a lesbian relationship with her but what that entailed was for her to be the dominant one.  

Mel, Question- did your husband attend counseling for his obsession with wearing women’s clothing, after you pushed him?   Does he also watch porn or engage in porn?  Does he have sex toys just for his own sexual gratification.  How is your sex life and intimacy?  These are some behaviors to be aware of.
Kinda odd that he did not seek counseling to figure out what his sexuality must be.

I did not have any success with my ex partner that was a poster person for AGP.  I also found his appearance not attractive at all.  I have numerous posts here of my experience, especially when it came to the bedroom and don’t want to rehash it.  I detested his behavior, the way he dressed, the loss of muscle tone etc.  For claiming to be a MTF femme, he sure had that male sense of entitlement and misogyny towards me.  Mine also changed his status like the wind blows and I think to fit his needs, and I think at the beginning so that I wouldn’t leave him.  Like he assumed the femme role behind closed doors at the beginning and wore male clothes at the time that he worked as a handyman.  Then started gradually in public with multiple hooped earrings and painted his fingernails a dark color.  Then he got out of his closet and morphed into brightly colored fingernails and toenails and dazzling earrings.  He was testing the water for acceptance in public.  He was an oddity in our liberal town but accepted.  From then he did  transition on HRT.  Hell or high water..he was on the journey. And has a women’s persona now. What helped was that he was retired.

i listened to the podcast from Dr Blanchard on AGP that is on Our Path.  It was informative.  I agree when he said that there is a push from the LGBTQ community to normalize this behavior.  Anne Lawrence wrote about AGP and she is trans.  AGP in the Diagnostic Manual is a mental disorder, to an extent when they fantasize being a woman and obtain the sexual thrill that they are a woman with dressing.  Apparently only 3% of cross dressers are AGP.  I’m not sure of any statistics anymore or what I read from the medical community, as we have influence and members that are pushing their beliefs, changing our culture.   I think that there are probably some men out there that do wear women’s clothing for other reasons and don’t push the envelope that far.  
You had to pull out of him that he is gender fluid.  That’s is his self proclaimed label and labels are in vogue right now.  And he hid this obsession with women’s clothes. What else is he hiding?   He says he only wants you and is not sure what it’s all about.  He admits to AGP.  If it’s true AGP, the rewards are so fantastic, It’s hard to say whether he will be content with dressing up or if it’ll ramp up.  It’s apparent that he is not disturbed by his passion.  If only we have a crystal ball.  I know you have anxiety and uncertainty about where this relationship is heading.  Wishing you strength.  
 

Hi Mel,
It’s a very frustrating position to be in, raising young children with a partner who is experiencing his own adolescence when there is so much adulting to do.  Blanchard has a number of interviews out there describing his research. I also read Anne Lawrence who interviewed hundreds of cross dressing men and described their experiences. Phil Illy is an articulate voice on AGP.  It was a tough read for me but prompted me to ask my husband about his sexual fantasies and was pretty shocked to hear his answers. The heart of the matter for AGP is getting off on being a female, an attraction to oneself as a woman.  The clothes are cosplay. Unfortunately even if wanted by the AGP partner, there doesn’t seem to be a “cure.” It may ebb and flow but is likely here to stay.

Good for you starting to think about your boundaries- like no physical contact. It’s hard but I encourage you to focus on your own needs and reactions now and try not to go down the rabbit hole of obsessing about his obsessing.