Jupiter,  The ever changing labels as to how they identify and trying to figure it out is insanity.  Sort of a mind fuck.  I never believed in labels.  So when his labels changed like the wind, I thought he’s just plain nuts. Sometimes I wondered if the labels were to see what he thought would be acceptable to me.
when I found a self made video on his iPad, dressed in femme lingerie with a male dildo in one hand and self masturbating, and muttering he’s exploring his feminine side, I thought he was nuts.  When he started to wear women’s lingerie to bed and used it as a prop for sexual roles ALL the time, and acted as if he was a submissive woman, I thought this was not normal.  It was if he lived in a fantasy world.  Then came the self gender dysphoria diagnosis, depression diagnosis and suicidal ideations which came about suddenly.  One thing morphed into another towards this rollercoaster of drama that he created.  Thus I had a lot of stress and adrenaline running through my veins and had physical ailments and exhaustion.  It was like living in a circus atmosphere.  It’s hard to get out when they are creating drama, saying they are a woman trapped in a man’s body and if you attempt to leave that you are not supportive.
Another thing to consider is porn usage.  I did not think he watched porn but asked him anyway, “do you watch gay porn”.  His response was, “no to gay, but I watch TG porn.”  
I was fortunate that we were not married, did not have children.  
I wish you strength during these tough times.  

 

Yeah ..straight guy here for what its worth and to repeat it..would never think of or imagine wearing woman's cloths.   Just in case they tell you its normal..no..no it's not.

Hey, Jupiter1 -- sounds like your ex is pulling from the in-denial playbook.  My ex-wife tried to blame her same-sex affair on a variety of my alleged faults.  It makes no sense.  And over four years after her divorce, she denies that she's anything but straight even though she's married to the woman affair partner.

One of the best pieces of advice I received from a fellow straight partner is that we should waste exactly zero time analyzing their self-applied labels.  The only label that matters is "not straight", and their behaviors back that one up almost 100% of the time.  There's no more analysis required because most of us did not sign up for "not straight".
 

I’m sure you’ve gathered that the cross dressing also known as AGP (autogynephilia) is a persistent behavior that may wax and wane but remains present.  There’s a podcast by Blanchard on Our Path discussing his research— that is not currently en vogue and resisted by some in the trans community. Others like Anne Lawrence and Phil Illy (also on the our path podcast) embrace AGP and describe it as an orientation. Whatever the nomenclature, the interest/behavior/orientation tends to stick around.

My husband, whom  I’m now newly  separated from is a classic AGP person largely in denial. As discussed above the minimizing and denial and general confusion generated and experienced by my partner is tough to live with. But so is separation and divorce.  I feel for you. These are such difficult issues to deal with, sort through with huge life/family/financial impact. But the emotional impact of living with an in-denial and obfuscating partner is terrible for your partnership and for your mental health.