OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- Rob
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Re: Forgiveness
Forgiveness is hard when they are actively hurting you. Love was replaced by fear for me. I'm not bitter but afraid. If you put a gun to my head I would never take her back. Forgiveness for me is avoiding her at all cost and getting on with my life. I will never get an apology and she is capable still of so much hurt so distance is key.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Daryl
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Re: Forgiveness
Forgiveness is something you offer to yourself so that you can move on. It does not excuse or absolve the other person of any responsibility for actions they took. My 2 cents.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- MJM017
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Re: Forgiveness
Adrift456 wrote:
I want her back in my life, but I would need to forgive her in order to do that. Finding a way to forgive and come face to face with her hand in hand with her girlfriend just seems impossible.
Hi Adrift,
The end of a marriage is one of the most stressful and painful occurrences in someone's life. It takes time to heal from the pain and suffer through the grief.
Is it necessary now to see your stbx and her partner, especially if it adds to your pain? I wouldn't want to do this regardless if the new partner was the same or opposite sex.
Now may not be the time and it's okay if it's not. This is not an instance of no pain, no gain. Be nice to yourself.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- gwendolyn_C
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Re: Forgiveness
I agree with Daryl - Forgiveness is something you offer to yourself. Reconciliation takes two people willing to admit wrongdoing and put in the work to make it right. I have forgiven myself and chose to move on. I also learned I don't have to walk around angry at my GID-EX. I wanted him to confess and ask for forgiveness for destroying our marriage, but he's not capable. I realize that since he's not capable and responsible, it's my responsibility to restrict personal and emotional access. That's within my control. It's also in my control to become a healthy version of myself for my children. This is what I choose to focus on as I wait for my GID-EX to sign the divorce papers so we can move to closure! He's stalling but has 30 days :-).
- Blue Bear
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Re: Forgiveness
Yeah, they are really into bending the rules that we thought we had mutually agreed upon when entering into our marriages or relationships.
As for forgiveness, I redefined it as letting go of my anger toward my ex-wife so I could be civil to her as the mother of my children and not allowing my anger toward her to prevent me from finding happiness with someone else. She screwed up my past (which I couldn't control), and I'm not going to allow her to screw up my future (which I can control).
- RoseColoredGlasses
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Re: Forgiveness
I think that forgiveness requires accountability- how can you forgive someone who is still lying to you?
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Forgiveness
I think that forgiveness requires accountability- how can you forgive someone who is still lying to you?
I see forgiveness as getting to the state of 'what he does now does not matter to me' so it allows me to frame how I see him and respond to him with an understanding (I was going to say pity but that's too harsh a word to use) that he always had an itch for men and that staying with him would be to my detriment.
So now there's a space between us....a protective barrier that I built and I use it now without even thinking..
I would never say to A....."I forgive you" because he has nothing to do with it. I do however forgive myself for not leaving him sooner
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Anon2222
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Re: Forgiveness
Elle - I agree with you. I spent awhile being so angry with him. I spent even longer being angry at myself...all the accusations. How did I not know? How did I not see this coming? Why did I put up with all this abuse? Why didn't I just leave?
Forgiving myself, and working on not blaming myself, or feeling ashamed, or humiliated, has taken a lot longer. But, I have seen the mental shift in myself. When I stopped trying to figure out why on earth he would do this....and switched to the mindset of holy cow he must be one messed up individual and is not a good person.