Julian, I went to a couple of therapists. The first one helped a little. However, she was really going at things from the wrong perspective, so healing stalled. I found this therapist through our health insurance. They offered 4 free mental health sessions with a therapist through an EAP program - or something like that.

Soon after that, on this board, in fact, I read about Betrayal Trauma, and as I read, tears ran down my face. It described almost perfectly what I was feeling and going through. The co-dependency thing never really rang true for me, and now I know it is because I'm not co-dependent or a co-addict or any of the other things people try to say to those in our situation. I am experiencing trauma.

I found my second therapist on the APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) web site. While our spouses may not be sex addicts, the betrayal is very similar, and these people are trained to deal with what the partners are going through. 

My experience with her has been amazing. I feel I have come so far in my healing. It has been hard - one of the hardest things I have ever been through, but it has been worth every dime. 

She said I am definitely experiencing betrayal trauma and has diagnosed me with C-PTSD. Through EMDR therapy, she has helped me dig up and process many of the events and feelings that contributed to the trauma. She also worked with me on recognizing triggers and physical symptoms that I experience when triggered. She gave me exercises that I can do when I feel all of this that will help calm my body and my mind and allow me to process things better so they don't linger.

My healing is a work in progress and I still have work to do, but I am going in the right direction. My therapist has released me because she feels, and I agree, that we have gone about as far as we can until my divorce is final. However, some things happened a couple of weeks ago, and I was a mess. It was a Sunday, and I was going to call her the next day. However, I spent that Sunday intentionally working on me and going through my exercises and basically asking myself the questions I felt she would ask me. I woke up Monday feeling great, and it was a good thing too, because the crap from the STBX started coming from multiple directions, but I was strong and able to handle all of it while standing up for MY needs and those of my children. I honored my worth and my value even though my spouse did not. Before, I would have caved and let my spouse have hir way in an effort to keep the peace at my expense.

And by the way, I never did call the therapist. LOL! So, yeah, she definitely gave me the tools to handle things when they come up, and she was definitely worth the time, effort, and expense.

Oh, and my spouse in trans, not bi, but I hope my experience helps none the less.

Last edited by StrongerThanIKnew (June 13, 2019 8:45 am)

Deleted

Last edited by MJM017 (July 11, 2021 7:11 pm)

Exercise definitely helps! My husband came out—and I lost 15 pounds (only good thing to "come out" of this!) Meditation is great, too...I've been listening to Michael Sealey some evenings. He has tons of videos on YouTube...helps that his voice is so calming & super sexy ;) (He's Australian!) 

Last edited by Julian_Stone (June 18, 2019 1:30 pm)