OurPath Open Forum
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- Rob
- Member
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Re: He's back at it!
Roo,
Alone is ok..its not some horrible thing. I think there was a study that said in the USA a record number of people are living alone. Alone is different and comes with some pluses and minuses. But I think our marriages came with some HUGE minuses.. I totally get the fear... I broke down in tears when I first went to my therapist saying " i would die alone' w..ho would want me at my age? etc.
BUT...
You know what... at some point my GX was so blatantly cheating and abusing me... that being alone or homeless on the street would have been better. I also told myself I would leave this world the same way I came in.. just me and my God.
Our fears are real but I think at some point fear of the unknown becomes less than our fear of coming home to a spouse who is covertly or indirectly hurting us. Most of my fears, drilled into me by my
GX some, were not true, so not true..
Do not think you are stuck. Try to overcome some of your fear by detaching and taking small baby steps each day.
Yes I feel they are idiots or arrogant and do not care what they will lose.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Married30yrs
- Member
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Re: He's back at it!
Agree....get tested SOON! So sorry he broke your trust again.
A mermaid should not feel lke she is drowning.....
- Duped
- Member
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Re: He's back at it!
Roo wrote:
Duped ~
I am afraid to be alone. My sister and her family are 1200 miles away. I'm turning 60 next year. How do I start over?
Financially I don't think I can make, although his 401k is quite substantial. He's an idiot not to realize what he can lose.
I am afraid no one will want me ... not that I want ANYONE after this.
Dear Roo, I understand that being alone is scary if you aren’t used to it. But your worth is not wrapped up in who wants you! You can learn to value yourself and make rules about who gets to be in your life, you can learn to value yourself that much that you can judge if people are worthy of your time. But that security in yourself only comes if you invest in yourself.
You know what “alone” is for many many people? It’s fun, peaceful, freeing, relaxing and so much more.
If you could plan for a happy future for YOU, what would it look like? Hobbies? Friends? Pets? Voluntary work? Gardening? Entertaining?
Staying married now doesn’t guarantee not being alone later anyway, lots of people end up single at the end of their life anyway.
Please try and think through what you would consider a good, happy future. Start there for now.
- Violated
- Member
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Re: He's back at it!
Roo, I understand. When I discovered TGT, the first thing I said to myself was "I just want to be loved, I want someone to love me." The second, "I don't want to be alone." The third, "I don't want to die alone."
Fear ruled me. But then I used my rational mind. I am loved by my friends, my children, my grandchildren. I am Not alone, I have fostered and established friendships, I have my girlfriends, some married, some divorced. And I would probably die alone anyways because most of us women outlive our husbands.
I divorced my husband after 44 years of marriage, at the age of 64, w/i 14 months after I discovered TGT. He is officially moving out in a few weeks. I do still love him, but I look at him, and now I see a gay man, a gay man in denial. I do believe he loves me to the best of his ability, BUT, he needs me more than loves me. And I am so done, done with the lies, the gaslighting. I am still playing detective, and my GIDXH continues to engage in his activities, (gay sensual massages, gay porn, googling gay bars) and most recently he established a dating profile seeking another woman. At the same time, he continues to tell me that he loves me and has stopped his "behavior" and that he is not interested in any other women. For me my continued detective work, just validates for me, the truth, that I have done the right thing.
I am now looking forward to when he moves out. I no longer will have to play detective. I can live with truth and honesty. And I have been very busy establishing my new life, I went on a cruise, I learned to play pickle ball, I joined a newcomers group, I go to happy hours, ladies lunch bunch, volunteer work at my church, game night with my gal pals, book club........
Roo.......don't give up on you. That's what motivated me to get out, to get divorced, I just didn't want to give up on me. I deserved better, so do you. YOU DESERVE BETTER.