walkby,
 oh, Absolutely!  What they believe is equitable is heavily tilted in their favor!  My ex got out of the marriage with more than 50% of joint marital assets (I made some strategic giveaways), but he still thinks he was hard done by.

@control it seems so manipulative once you see their motivation for asking how you are...Really what he is asking is: how much are you going to reveal about me?  These attempts at showing themselves as concerned partners are such cons.  He is only worried about losing 'control' haha good name.  Really once you really see that any attempts to talk about it are managing you and your views, then you make progress.  Insist on YOUR needs being met esp financially, and don't ask HIM what that looks like... you are dealing with someone well versed in hiding and deceit make no mistake.  God I was so trusting and the crocodile tears etc were such acts...

I saved a post from Cameron on the moment a GID spouse tells you they are or think they are....THEN they have decided to act or have already acted on it and are now really only asking for permission and an open relationship.  And once divorce proceedings loom or start, well then they stand to lose so much, so honesty and understanding are not part of the equation....compartimentalization indeed... they've done it for so long... 

Beware and don't be fooled.  Protect yourself and don't fall into believing he is anything other than self interested.  That was my mistake.  And it is one often made here.  We are the stooges in this con job... Get tough.  

Thanks Tyurk!

I too did not know when we married mine had same sex attractions.  He never really shared anything, good or bad during our relationship. He has many issues obviously he’s not willing to give up or really admit they are a problem/sickness.  That’s one thing in itself, but when he told me he “wondered if he was bi”, I knew that very instant no matter what our living arrangements were, there wasn’t a marriage, never had been a marriage & never would be a marriage.  Those things are not compatible in my opinion. He wants to stay married, but it would only be in his interest. After 32 years married we have many thing to sort out before completion of any of this. I’m still sad, mad as hell he lied & waited all these years to come out and was willing to cause so much harm on me & my children. But he is a weak manipulative person. And it worked a lot of years in his favor, not not any more!!!

Tyurk-

He told me “wondering if I am Bi” after much pressure/questioning from me. I could sense all these years something wasn’t right, but thought it was possibly sexual abuse in childhood or something of that sort. He has always had feminine/gay tendencies from my view but always turned that thought down if my kids or I said something he was doing seemed gay. He would have never come out on his own. He has had too easy a life working for my family.  He says he hasn’t ever acted outside the marriage, however this past year I have seen an escalation in his weight loss/working out, buying & wearing tight, trendy clothes, changes in hairstyle and even his gestures. He has been under more stress at work leading up to this and also lots of stress with some of our family members.  I think he was at a breaking point & couldn’t keep it in anymore. He had gotten an attitude toward me & at times our kids. Just seeming kinda mean spirited or angry, and that was out of his normal for all these years. I guess he was getting resentful, I don’t know. He keeps crying to me saying he wants to keep our marriage together, but also knowing he’s not going to stop looking at men. And I do realize if he hasn’t acted out yet, it is probably soon to come. This doesn’t work for me!!!

Control, I'm heartened to hear in your posts that you are so clear on your own boundaries in this relationship with your husband. Knowing what absolutely will not work for you and defending that boundary is half the battle IMHO. Sending you best wishes as you begin to deal with all the next steps. And I hope you can deflect some of the negative emotions he's sending your way! His sexual confusion isn't your fault!

Last edited by Estella Oculus (December 14, 2018 7:39 am)