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September 17, 2018 10:07 am  #11


Re: Disgarded spouse ... disregarded collateral damage

To see him wear the pain on his face and in his soul ... it made me feel better.

Oh, do I get THAT statement.  I love this whole thread.  After divorce and when I was hanging out with XH and his new girlfriend (my former friend) packing up our sold home.  I took great pleasure in letting XH know that I had a little boy toy of my own.  I was seeing (dating isn’t the right word, lol.  But a man 10 years younger then me, in my mind I was calling it a part of my therapy lol.  Enjoying my own sexuality after at least 10 years of living like a nun).  I could tell that XH was jeoulous (because he was still so deep in denial).  I didn’t realize just how much I was playing with Fire.

But man I was so angry.  I couldn’t believe that I was splitting up everything I had worked so hard for. AND that a new woman was getting it.  No consolation,  that he will ruin her life as well.  I had told her, he was gay and she had said she didn’t believe it.  But I took great pleasure “showing “ him that I was way happier without him.  That I was having fun, going out one night and meeting my new husband, really put him over the edge.  Basically, that he hadn’t destroyed me, while he was still in the closet and having to keep a whole new diary of lies with a new woman.

 

September 17, 2018 1:14 pm  #12


Re: Disgarded spouse ... disregarded collateral damage

Here is the other thing I keep hearing from my friends, "Oh, I can see you guys being friends somewhere in the future." Seriously! Is this what they actually think I want to hear or want at all! I pray I can be cordial so that it doesn't effect my kids as much ... other than that ... who knows?

While he is out exploring his new self and looking for happiness ... I'm left feeling gutted. After so many years of little to no intimacy, I feel asexual. I actually have absolutely no interest in finding someone new and no sexual desires what-so-ever. I now have to figure out who the hell I am ... AND who I actually was for the last 27 years. No, I really don't want to be his friend! He has destroyed everything I thought I was; why and how I was living my life. Again, this is just the part coping with the fact that he is gay ... the shit-storm of anger on its the way once I deal with the fact that he cheated on me is will surely be something to behold!

Here's a quote that I saw on FB ... love it ... 
The devil whispered in my ear, "You are not strong enough to withstand the storm."
So I whispered back, "Ah, but I am the storm."

Last edited by MasONeil (September 17, 2018 1:16 pm)

     Thread Starter
 

September 17, 2018 2:17 pm  #13


Re: Disgarded spouse ... disregarded collateral damage

MasONeil wrote:

Here is the other thing I keep hearing from my friends, "Oh, I can see you guys being friends somewhere in the future." Seriously! Is this what they actually think I want to hear or want at all! I pray I can be cordial so that it doesn't effect my kids as much ... other than that ... who knows?

I remember thinking that I wanted to remain friends with her early on in the process.  She was my entire world.. the sun in my solar system.  So I couldn't imagine a life without her.  So I thought that remaining friends would be nice.  It would be nice to have that person to support me.  
Wow has that changed.  Now that I'm distanced from her and I can see the damage that was caused in my life.   I want nothing to do with her.. ever again.   

 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

September 17, 2018 2:45 pm  #14


Re: Disgarded spouse ... disregarded collateral damage

Ditto to both of you.  I also though we would stay friends, after all he had been my best friend for such a long time.  Grateful that he is out of my life too, with friends like him, I didn’t need any enemies.

I feel you Mass, I also became asexual.  One of the first things I did, after leaving was, well you know.  I’m not saying it was right or smart. But for me at the time, it was something I just had to do, I needed to find my sexuality again.  I needed to feel like a vital woman again.  That first time was not easy, (had to drink quite a bit to get up the courage, like I said not saying it was right).  But thankfully for me the experience was right, I think deep down it was something I just had to do.  I think I knew I was way to vulnerable and that if I didn’t do it, there was a strong possibility that I would go back to him.  Of course out of anger I told XH (I just wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt me).  Man, was he angry.  Told the world that I was cheating on him, since we were still married (married, now that was a joke).  Screamed to the world that he had never cheated on me (I know that was a lie).

But just to feel like a sexual woman again, wow.  All the years, of neglect.  Everyone has to find their own path on this one.  I feel no shame over the things I did after leaving XH.  But, I do know, that I was headed down the wrong road for a short time.  I’m grateful that new hubby and I found each other.  Because, I am back in a committed, monogamous, loving marriage.  Something that I have always believed in.

I bet this topic alone could be a great thread.  I read an old one, but it was pretty tame.  Everyone has to find their own course, in their own time.

 

September 17, 2018 4:39 pm  #15


Re: Disgarded spouse ... disregarded collateral damage

MasONeil wrote:

To see him wear the pain on his face and in his soul ... it made me feel better. I guess I'll need to ask God to forgive me for that (maybe when it stops feeling good ;-)

 

LOL
 


*between a rock and a hard place*
 

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