jacki,

I think you're very wise.  I too decided not to ask all the questions that I knew would only have hurtful answers.  I didn't believe I'd get the whole unvarnished truth anyway, had I asked.  It was over, and I just wanted to move on.  My son actually asked some of those questions years after I was remarried - one being whether my gay ex knew on our wedding that that he was gay.  The answer was yes - he'd always known.  Even though I had been divorced and remarried for years at that point, that STILL hurt to hear.  He knew all along that he'd been lying to me?  It reaffirmed to me that asking those questions truly wasn't helpful.  Actually, knowing the answer to that made my son feel like he'd been conceived purely as part of a cover for his father's sexuality.  I wish he'd never asked that question - even for his own knowledge.  It certainly helped nothing, in the end.

You won't get the whole truth anyway.  What we've learned is that they're liars.  Which means that anything you learn after that could easily be a lie, too.  They will do ANYthing to cover the truth and make themselves look good.

Kel