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Thu Oct 12 2:35 pm  #11

Re: The thing called Forgiveness

I have also struggled with the idea of forgiveness.  There's a saying about forgiving 70 times 7 times.  I'm pretty sure I've surpassed that one.  There are some things I don't know how long it will take to forgive.  Since reading so many of these posts, my perspective is that it's ok to just wait on the forgiveness part.  I'm still in the middle of all this.  Still finding the oxygen masks for myself and the kids on this crash and burn ride.


Thu Oct 12 6:47 pm  #12

Re: The thing called Forgiveness

I feel that forgiveness doesn't mean I'm now OK with what happened or was done. It just means I'm not going to let it completely define me or keep me from moving on. Also that I can't be bothered to seek revenge or redress.

Now absolution is a different matter, that takes some form of redress or penance.


Thu Oct 12 10:22 pm  #13

Re: The thing called Forgiveness

Forgiveness may be a battle I won't have the will or strength to fight. 

I hate what he's done to my future...too much to want to forgive

*between a rock and a hard place*

Sat Oct 14 7:39 am  #14

Re: The thing called Forgiveness

Thank you Daryl for that link. Sometimes my ex feels like one of my boys. I have to use that Mom-in charge tone to enforce boudaries and its exausting, really.

Dubed, I am very scared of getting tested. Im mentally preparing for that still. I know it will be anther step in leaving the past behind but it can also be throwing me right back into the lies and deceit and yet another mountain to climb.

I found this piece on forgiveness that says to forgive is to help yourself be freed. You dont have to stay in the same situation or allow someone to keep treating you badly. You can move on from wat's hurting you. Just more freely. I like that.

     Thread Starter

Sat Oct 14 10:59 am  #15

Re: The thing called Forgiveness

Mrs. Lonely,  The word acceptance always helped me more than the word forgiveness. I accepted that he used me and traumatized me. Divorce was the only way for me to stop being used and to heal from the trauma. 

"The maintenance of a deceptive, compartmentalized sexual reality in the context of an intimate relationship or family system is a form of domestic abuse."  
Omar Minwalla, Psy.D.

Sat Oct 14 12:01 pm  #16

Re: The thing called Forgiveness

Me too Lynne. I accept it, I can’t change or undo any of it, and I refuse to waste any more of my life being victimized by him. I have days where I literally don’t give his pathetic life a thought, I think that’s progress. I know I’m moving forward, that’s all that matters to me.


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