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Mon Oct 9 9:22 am  #11

Re: Straight Spouse Success Stories

posted by forum member jkpeace:

"I remember thinking that I would never be happy, ever again.  My children would grow up with a broken mother, whom they only remembered as being without joy.  I thought, "This...this is too much for me."

Guess what?  Much to my surprise, this is Not too much for me.  After 24 years of marriage and 5 children, I am far, far happier now, post-divorce, than I ever was, when I was married to my GID spouse.  Strangely, I never knew how unhappy I had become.  

(...) If you read my old posts, you would see my journey...from dejected, desperate to have my ex "choose me", in shock, angry, now.  I am finding a whole new life, now.  I am a single mom, newly back in the work force, after almost 20 years, as a SAHM.  I love being back at work and find the challenge invigorating.  Finances are horrible, as my career was teaching, and that pays horribly.  I will need to figure out a way to make more money, and I will.  I get almost no child support (long story), my house is not as nice as those I had before, my children have a single mom...I'm STILL happier than I ever was, when I was married.

I am shocked at that.  I thought I was happy.  Now, I know that I never was.  Now, I know that my ex was someone whom I never knew.

I am almost 2 years post-disclosure.  Has this been an easy journey?  Absolutely not.  The pain and struggle have been horrible.  My children have suffered excruciating pain, but I didn't cause that.  Having a GID father caused that pain for my children.  Honestly, I don't even judge my ex.  Sean, from this site, once said, "You need to have zero expectations of him."  That has helped.  Zero expectations are what I have.  I just try to be the best mom that I can be.  I'm so proud of my children and how they are learning from this.  They are taking care of each other and supportive of me.

I was broken.  I thought I was broken beyond repair.  Turns out that I am better than I ever was, during my marriage, which never was what I thought it was."

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 


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