Anon2222

Do you have to do mediation?   My lawyer advised against it and I agree..how reasonable is it to debate with a gay in denial person?...most are narcissist.

I read that thread....and that's just mildly terrifying...

Unfortunately, I have no choice in the matter. Where I live, you have to legally first attempt to resolve the divorce via "informal discussion", then mediation and then court. Of course the informal discussion just involved him being completely delusional. So, mediation we go.

Of course he blames me for this taking so long *eye roll*

Nothing like wasting $8,000/day to listen to more of his delusions. I know what I am legally entitled to, and I am done with his BS. I am hoping I can just lay out what I want and if he disagrees, we can just end it and let the law decide.

Although, reading some others experience in the legal system....now I just don't know.

Anon2222,

So sorry.  For me a million dollars a day was a small price to pay to be free of her.  Exaggerating but at some point it becomes priceless to be free of them.

Which you strength and stoicism.

ellierigg wrote:

Anon,
I am just here to say that you sound sooo much stronger and it seems like everything got so much more clear for you. I know you still have unpleasant and painful things to go through, but reading your words feels like you are finaly not concentrating on him but on yourself. Happy to read.

Thanks! I have my good days and I have my bad days....but, the good are slowly outnumbering the bad. And, overall, I'm going uphill. My personal health sort of tanked lately, and I realized that his BS really is not worth it, completely unnecessary, and I have more important things in my life. His behavior just became so ridiculous it feels like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. And I don't have the energy to deal with someone who is delusional.

My lawyer passed along my request to not see or speak to each other. The mediator pushed back on this....stating that she wants us all to meet as a group, at least at the beginning, so that she can get an idea of the "big picture" and explain the process of mediation *eye roll* No thanks.

I said absolutely not. There is no way in hell I will be in a room with him. I don't want to hear his side of the story. I don't want to see him. And I don't want to hear the BS that will come out of his mouth. We are not friends. I'm not here to come to an understanding or work together or anything else.

This is another part of the process that I think is ridiculous. He abused me for years. Any involvement I have had with him since he walked out has led to an extreme depressive episode, potentially suicidal ideation and it can take me a week or more to come out of it. HE is the one that wanted a divorce. Why should I have to suffer even more because of him?

At first I felt really embarrassed to make this request...but then I thought, why? I am not the only person out there in the world who has severe depressive disorder/anxiety and I know that being pushed into the same room will negatively impact me and my ability to negotiate. So, I am standing up for myself and what I need and want in this process....and it is quite liberating.
 

I strongly advise against mediation. I reached 3 agreements, signed them and notarized them, only to have her change the terms. I finally had to file. In the end, I paid 60K that I would not have if I just filed from the start to get basically the same agreement. These people (most) are not honest with themselves, why would anyone believe they will be honest with you? Not sure why I did, was still naive at that point I guess. Save the money, file and if you reach an agreement before trial great, but do not expect honesty