While reading through some threads.....I found this excerpt from a post of Kel's. I hope she doesn't mind me reposting it here, it struck a chord....

" So he says it's all in the past, and then puts you in the position of needing to forgive and forget in order for him to continue to stay in the relationship.  He's using the only thing he can - your heart.  He's holding your heart hostage - knowing that what you really want is for things to go back to what you want them to be.  He knows you want to keep him (but only if he's not cheating), so he announces that he'll behave, and then puts YOU in the hot seat.  He figures if you think he'll only stay with you if YOU behave (when it's actually the other way around), then he can get you to DO that because he knows what you want in your heart of hearts."

We,as a couple, follow motorsport. Have traveled for it, I loved it. We had a camper van, met heaps of people from all over. BUT....when I asked him why he'd said "we're probably not going this year"....one of the reasons he gave me was that we were so up& down *he made a zigzag motion as he said it* and that he didn't  want to spend the money only to be arguing/not speaking while we're away. 
I was dumbfounded. A trip we take, to a sport we love/talk & laugh about/watch all the time. I can't get my head around his thinking! It felt like he was using it as a bargaining chip...."if you're good we might go if all the other ducks line up" (finances timings etc). WTF..!! Or is he using it as an excuse to NOT go with me at all.
It felt like he'd turned a switch off. Our r'ship is so strained and I can feel myself moving away from expecting to always be with him. 

This is the only place I can write down how I feel and know the people reading it know how I feel. 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (May 19, 2018 3:06 am)

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

The last few days I've been thinking about how we have a joint account that money from my mum's will 
will go into. Today I'm going to the bank to open a separate account that my partner can't touch

  

I think opening a separate bank account is a wise idea.

How is this action supposed to build the trust and teamwork that would support a healthy long-term MOM? Isn't that what this particular subforum is for? It feels like you are trying to prepare to split... which might be the right decision, but perhaps you might find more support from a different corner of this site?

YazPistachio wrote:

How is this action supposed to build the trust and teamwork that would support a healthy long-term MOM? Isn't that what this particular subforum is for? It feels like you are trying to prepare to split... which might be the right decision, but perhaps you might find more support from a different corner of this site?

I can't determine how you perceive my actions, or what you feel about them, but after realising I have a man who was prepared to put himself first (dishonesty, secrets) I know I would much rather listen to the men & women here who tell me to keep myself safe, and provide me with advice, options and suggestions that ultimately benefit me in the event of the collapse of all I've known..rather than somebody who, I feel, has a quite different view of a "happy relationship"