OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Overwhelmed

**Posted by Tamiam** October 15, 2017 9:37 pm

Hi friends,
I'm looking for some advice. My STBX left 7 months ago. He moved in with his new love. Obviously this was a huge shock to me. I feel like I've been in this shock for almost a year. (disclosure was late Oct 2016.) While the kids and I have made significant progress, we are in need of as much stability as possible. Now that I'm coming out of that shock, I'm seeing so much devastation.

I'm feeling the need to explore maybe a leave of absence at work. I can't afford any loss of income. But I also really need to focus on the kids and their needs, as well as my own. I can't afford a lawyer,so we're trying to do this divorce ourselves, but I don't have enough time in the day to work on the paperwork. I feel behind at work, behind with divorce, and ok with the kids. Overwhelmed, for sure.

**Posted by phoenix** October 15, 2017 9:40 pm

My Dr diagnosed depression and gave me anti anxiety mess. With that diagnosis I was able to take a couple weeks off on long term disability. Turns out I could have taken 6 months.. I wish I would have.

**Posted by Kel** October 16, 2017 9:52 am

Tamiam,

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. If a leave of absence is available and you feel it would do you good, then by all means - go ask for it. The only thing I'd caution you about is whether the time off will just leave you more time in the day to experience the sadness. Sometimes staying busy has a way of keeping our mind off what ails us. That being said, if you feel that you could use the time productively (maybe organizing, planning, working on paperwork, etc.) then take it; your life will be more organized at the tail end and will run more smoothly.

I wish you peace.

Kel

**Posted by Rob** October 17, 2017 5:50 am

I would explain to your boss what's going on... (not TGT...that is hard for some to process) and see if you can cut back a bit on work.I needed my work to get my mind off of the shock and sadness and also to get away from my ex who chained her and her girlfriend to the house and would not leave.

If you can get paid leave though and use it wisely that is priceless. The only problem I see with it is when you come back they may expect you "to be over it" and that is not really how it works.. I find myself still not able to take on as much stress or work after this..not as resilient as I once was.

So good to be practicing self care..I wish I practiced it sooner in my marriage as many of us neglected ourselves in the marriage and still it was not enough (and now we know why).

**Posted by Tamiam** October 17, 2017 9:49 pm

Really good advice, everyone. I will proceed cautiously with this idea. I worry also about the idea that if I take a leave of absence, the expectation will be that I'm "over it" now. The other side of that, however, is that I really need some time to re-organize the house and some time for me. I've done so much already, but I need larger blocks of time to make more progress.

Not sure what to do yet. Maybe I can get a small break now, and plan for a larger one after the new year. (That's when things kind of slow down for me at work.) I also hope I can get things figured out about moving forward with making the divorce official. We've made the decision. This waiting around part is just awful.