OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Snooping days are over (for now)

**Posted by Daryl** April 29, 2017 5:46 pm

I can understand that. Stay the course.

As far as I'm concerned it's quite disrespectful if he brought someone home (the whole thing is disrespectful but bringing your dirty business home is really pushing it). While my ex and I were still living in the same place, over-nighters and bringing someone home was an agreed upon no-go zone. I was quite fine with her taking the bedroom set. I couldn't imagine ever inviting someone else to share it.

**Posted by Lisa4kids** April 29, 2017 8:11 pm

I'd like to think he wouldn't do that but who knows?

He apparently picked up my stomach virus from Monday so he's hanging in.

**Posted by Lisa4kids** May 1, 2017 3:19 pm

So since the condom disappearing/reappearing act, he had been bending over backwards to be sweet... more hearts and flowers phase again, however he has been very distracted and forgetful....

I haven't snooped but I still don't feel better

My one burning question here is:

Would a straight man be using an anal vibrator on his own vs attempting intimacy with his wife??? That right now is my most telling sign. Also it looks like his masturbating tool has both a vagina side and a butt side.

I'm still working on me but I sure still want answers

**Posted by iamthelorax** May 1, 2017 10:27 pm

Lisa4kids wrote:
Would a straight man be using an anal vibrator on his own vs attempting intimacy with his wife???

The kind who isn't straight, that's what kind. Really sorry you're going through this.

**Posted by Lisa4kids** May 1, 2017 10:37 pm

Thanks.
I was away over the weekend and I felt like this vital and happy person and since getting home I am irritable and sad. He got angry at me earlier for snipping a bit when he asked something I deemed silly. I just don't want to even be near him. I'm frustrated by him and his on and off crap.
I know I'll never find the real truth. I need to give up but it's become a driving force. Ugh

**Posted by iamthelorax** May 1, 2017 11:03 pm

I get it, I wanted my truth too. He's probably not going to give it to you though.

I don't know if this helps you in any way but here's what I did. I just accepted that absolutely everything I suspected and more was the truth. And when I let it hit me in the face I went into a deep anxiety attack that lasted a week and a bit. And when that was over, I was through playing nice. No more asking, no more hoping.

I sent her text after text after text telling her I knew exactly what was up and how she'd been cheating on me the whole time and playing me so I can watch her son for her. I called all kinds of 2-timing whore, I called her home wrecker a worthless parasite who couldn't get a family of her own, told her I hope she gets her cancer back. Just pure vomits of hate. She responded with her usual nonsense excuses and I shut them down for the liar she is. It felt reeeeeeeeaaaaaaall good and then it felt just as bad. From there on in, the tables were turned. I don't talk/text her unless ABSOLUTELY necessary and when she calls, it's her turn to be on the defensive while I treat her with all the inner a-hole I have in me.

It's not a constructive way to co parent, I know I'm being an @$$. The thing is though, I realize now that I was hurting so much for so long and it was my fault for being the nice guy. It's like I had to push way too hard in the other direction to balance things out.

I'm not recommending this way of acting. I do think though, you need to look at how you're acting and find out what you've been doing to give him power over you. Are you asking him to confirm what you already know full well? Are you keeping his secrets by keeping things unspoken? Are you letting him be the only one with weird sex toys and condoms that re-appear like magic? Are you letting him be the only one with the great social life you wish he didn't have? Do the opposite. Anything you were doing that put you in a victim position, do the opposite. In time you'll gain your own personal power from him.

I hope this helps provide some kind of insight.

**Posted by Lisa4kids** May 1, 2017 11:09 pm

I actually have a better social life than he does but I get put under the microscope every time I'm out somewhere.

I also have a vibrator and when he found it and confronted me I told him I needed to find my satisfaction somewhere. He then told me I should have it with him which made me laugh and I reminded him that I had tried repeatedly for the last 10-12 years and he has made it clear he isn't interested.

Tonight I feel hatred. Loathing. I don't want to feel that but maybe not feeling it has allowed my complacency to keep me from moving on. It's gotten to the point where I don't care what he's doing anymore to an extent. I'm at the place of looking at him and just wanting to be anywhere but here.

**Posted by iamthelorax** May 1, 2017 11:18 pm

That's really harsh. I wish you a pleasant-ish hate session, let it out of your system.

**Posted by Lisa4kids** May 1, 2017 11:24 pm

He also has been hurting people's feelings and that makes me angry.
I'll just let him keep digging the hole deeper.

**Posted by Rob** May 2, 2017 6:01 am

Lorax..I wish I had the strength to call my ex all those things.
I just didn't have it in me. I take some solace in knowing I didn't turn into a swearing monster like her. Because I didn't rage back at her she probably took it as validation that she was right..about any lie she made up. Whatever.

Lisa4, I think the lack of sex from a partner over years is a form of abuse..with no trust left their is not much left...it becomes a financial arrangement..a babysitting arrangement..but in my case anyway even a roommate or babysitter would have treated me better.

In the end I think all we can do is get away. There may be a lot of words unsaid...that they are hurtful liars etc..but trying to reason with a crazy person is a waste of time. My time is my own now and I will not waste it on such a hurtful person..