OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Refuge here, grieving still, losses compounding....

**Posted by Leah** February 9, 2017 10:59 am

Thanks Kel,

I've been no contact this year YAY! All of 6 weeks... But I do keep pinning (esp. dark cold winter nights for the comfort of companionship and just mundane stuff). It is like an addiction I feel I'm not quite rid of. A friend described it as such - as anyone, including myself, can see he is bad for me.

And yes to all that good advice.

I just fell down a hole with the MIL thing. And have decided the inlaws need to be pretty minimal contact too after last nights convo. It is just a wound for us all and of course they have to protect themselves from that truth. He wants it to be me, my fault. He says he is honest now with his new gf who 'understands" him... yes what a hurtful thing to tell me honesty is now a part of his relationship with her....it is all so hurtful. I need to get tougher and ignore his self justifying comments to the boys. And his barbs to me.

New sheets, check, flowers check, slowly getting up. Gotta build my energy to chase anything really! JOY is good, but must stop chasing my tail!!! Thanks for all your supportive comments x

**Posted by Abby** February 9, 2017 11:09 am

I forgot to add that an electric blanket is a good substitute for a husband who radiates warmth only when he's asleep.

**Posted by Leah** February 9, 2017 11:45 am

Abby wrote:
I forgot to add that an electric blanket is a good substitute for a husband who radiates warmth only when he's asleep.

Haha that's sad! Love the gallows humour here

Yes I probably need to change the bed, but the house was so much my domain that I often think I don't really need to change much. He wasn't very involved, unless to block or disagree with my choices... So I really need to change only a few things to feel it is mine. I work from home and sometimes feel too isolated. I wonder if I need a new home where the walls don't remember the shouting and the pain. And perhaps the longing would be eased by not being surrounded by a family home inhabited by me (as the boys are grown) and lodgers...who now are necessary to pay the bills.

I'm just so lethargic about doing anything. Signs of depression really. But next week I'm off for a little holiday, so that will be cheery and hope it will help me feel a bit more positive!

**Posted by Kel** February 9, 2017 12:32 pm

Leah,

Do ONE thing and you'll see the energy starting to come back. It's amazing how things build upon each other. One little change that brings a flick of happiness will encourage you to do more of that. It starts to naturally progress. Start small and just keep going. Your energy will not "come back" so much as change directions. Think of it like being afloat in space - you WILL continue on that pathway until something pushes you in a different direction. Even the SMALLEST push will alter the trajectory. And it will give you move confidence and belief to do more. Decide on something little - maybe the flowers - and go get them today.

Kel

**Posted by JJ1966** March 8, 2017 9:36 am

Leah,

They make these big "U" shaped pillows that you can snuggle into the middle of, you can find them online or make one yourself. Great comfort item.

Jo

**Posted by Kel** March 8, 2017 10:53 am

Leah, how are you? What's going on right now, and how's your mental/emotional state?

Kel

**Posted by Rob** March 9, 2017 7:01 am

Leah.

At the very very least I hope you have a different text sound/ring for your ex and MIL.

They are not entitled to an instant reply or any at all now.
They have forfeited all rights and claims to our time, energy and thoughts.

My kids get an instant reply unless it's my ex going through them. Then even they wait.

Small steps...always away from the crazy.