OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Wife came out, is there a way to make it work?

**Posted by strongheart** July 15, 2026 10:21 am

My wife and I have been together 14 years and married 8. We have 2 kids together (7 and 9). She came out as a lesbian and wants to get a divorce, because she eventually wants to be in a relationship with a woman. Not a specific one, there is no woman yet. But it means she wants to split everything, have us live in separate houses, and split the kids to "something like 50/50."

I'm starting to accept that our relationship as I knew it is over, but my focus now is on still being able to see the kids as much as possible and provide a stable family structure for them. I think in an ideal world, for me, my wife and I would stay married and living in the same house. If she wants to explore this side of herself, date women, etc, that can happen. I'm not saying it would be easy for me, but I would be willing to try. I mentioned something like this, but she had reasons why it wouldn't work. That it wouldn't to be fair to anyone, that it would be confusing to the kids, that no woman would want to date another married woman. I don't think these things are true personally, but I don't know how to convince her otherwise.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Most posts I see are the inverse, where the gay spouse is the one who wants to stay married. Looking for advice from anyone who may have been in a similar situation.

**Posted by lily** July 15, 2026 5:34 pm

sorry Strong, but have to agree there are lots of married women wanting a married girlfriend.. It sounds like your wife is in love with a woman who wants her to get divorced though.

Agree with OOHC, time to get prepared to help yourself and your children to a better result through this next period.

But also it might be worth thinking about what if - maybe divorce doesn't happen, maybe your wife's girlfriend isn't serious and your wife decides to stick around - where does that leave you???

Above all, give yourself a hug.

**Posted by Lostandconfused1234** July 20, 2026 1:05 pm

Work as in how? A functional marriage is defined by a commitment to not only finances and children but to each other. Are you willing to make yourself a background character in your own home to maintain the status quo? I know it seems harsh but she is doing you a favor by asking for a divorce. You would both be holding each other back from being your true selves. You are a person too, you have needs, wants, desires, hobbies, and ideas. You can't cast yourself aside to hang onto a relationship that isn't working. You will destroy yourself in the Remember who you are and embrace him.