OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / When they end up with another woman

**Posted by Nantucket1931** March 28, 2025 9:49 pm

My partner of 10 years and I broke up 8 months ago. The breakup was due to a big change in his personality, random anger, feeling of having a void but could never fully explain it. He started treating me differently. Wanting tons of sex, but feeling he was super disconnected from me..he also has a history of porn addiction. Also a new friend he really seemed to talk about all the time. I just had a weird feeling about how much he talked about him.

After we broke up I accused him ( I dont love the way i went about it) of something going on between the two of them. He got extremely mad. Said that was a distugusting accusation, that I'm delusional ect...

I had more wondered about bi, as I do feel he is attracted to me. He is now with a girl. I am really really struggling with the new layer of grief. As I had maybe thought he would maybe possibly end up with the guy friend ( maybe I am delusional). This has just crushed me. I can't stop crying ever. I thoyht maybe we could eventually be friends and maybe he would be happier than ever. He now hangs out with the male friend alot. I just want him to be happy. How do you cope them ending up with the opposit sex again ?

After

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** March 29, 2025 3:43 pm

I believe, to appear heterosexual that some men who are attracted to men need a woman as their significant other. As a beard.
8 months is very early on in this. You no doubt have a lot more crying to do before you get your head around what's happened.
If he is gay/bisexual he hasn't been honest with you.... right from the start, so while you have been loving your life together he's kept a secret from you.

There is a switch in your head and your heart. It feels to me the switch in your head...from your intuitive feeling that something wasn't right...is working 😊
but the heart.... that holds all the love, dreams and expectations...will take longer to heal.

'hugs' Elle

**Posted by Nantucket1931** March 29, 2025 6:35 pm

Thank you for your kind response. I believe he is still in the questioning phase so I truly don't believe he even knows and loved me so much he didn't want to lose me. I don't believe he thought he was keeping a secret from me. However it all came out in his emotions. Something was going on deeply. I feel like I'm trying to process mine and his emotions and I know that is not healthy. It's another layer of healing just knowing he's sleeping with another woman in the house we shared. I feel him possibly being bi is just so much harder to comprehend. That means so many more options that aren't me 😞

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** March 29, 2025 10:56 pm

Nantucket1931 wrote:
..... I believe he is still in the questioning phase so I truly don't believe he even knows and loved me so much he didn't want to lose me.... I don't believe he thought he was keeping a secret from me. ....

Sometimes it's easier for men to not reveal who they are because it's easier to keep a secret when they build a life with a woman and become good at living two lives.
No doubt your partner is still keeping his secret with this new woman.

E