OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Children

**Posted by Seriously?** April 7, 2024 6:09 pm

I have two adult children who are on the autism spectrum (they are verbal and are able to stay by themselves for several hours.) with my soon to be exGH. He came out to me 9 months ago as gay, we have been married 32+ years. I had no idea. The children live with me in the family home, he now has an apartment about 30 min away. He's been in the apartment for about 6 weeks, and hasn't seen or interacted with them more than 2 hours a week since he moved, and the majority of that has been at extended family dinners, etc. Is this common? This disregard for his kids?

He triggers me often enough that I'm ok with going no contact with him for my own peace of mind. He says he wants to maintain relationships with his kids, but he certainly isn't following through.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** April 7, 2024 8:52 pm

Hey there Seriously?

Common schmommon lol. Keep up your good mothering and communication with your young ones. Let them
know they can ask you questions and you're there to answer them as best you can. Their father isn't around as
much so by the sound of it he's getting used to his new life, maybe even a little hesitant to see his children and have to maybe face their questions. The disregard may be simply a discomfit because he knows walking out on them is tough. On them. What a thoughtless man.

Be the strong one and remember to keep a record of how often and how long he does see them

Elle

**Posted by Seriously?** April 8, 2024 7:03 am

It didn't occur to me that he might not want to face them, especially since he has started dating a man. Of course he is not self aware enough to even realize that. For someone who has been so selfish, and self centered he isn't very self aware.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** April 8, 2024 1:57 pm

Seriously? wrote:
It didn't occur to me that he might not want to face them, especially since he has started dating a man. Of course he is not self aware enough to even realize that. For someone who has been so selfish, and self centered he isn't very self aware.

Oh I think he may not seem self-aware to you because you're the adult he duped into believing he was something he's not, and now you know your opinion of him has changed. The children will be different. Do you think he'll be waiting and hoping that you, as mother & caregiver, will take on the job of telling them/smoothing the waters?...to make it easier to see the children again?

E

**Posted by Rob** April 9, 2024 7:08 am

Sadly their blatant disregard for feelings and ability to hurt us...extents to the children.

It's not something we could do to our children.. And that is the difference between these spouses and us. Its a moral thing that I feel has nothing to do with them being gay/trans/green alien.

Our kids need someone to help them through TGT and sadly these gay/trans/alien spouses are not it. These kids need us now and later in life also... We can show them what absolute, fierce, loyal love is and what we are made of. God knows and God sees.

**Posted by Seriously?** April 10, 2024 3:13 pm

Thank you both for your insights.

This behavior is incomprehensible to me

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** April 10, 2024 6:23 pm

Seriously? wrote:
Thank you both for your insights.
This behavior is incomprehensible to me

Seriously?
Do you have emotional support? Family....friends?

E

**Posted by Seriously?** April 11, 2024 2:34 pm

Yes, I have support. I have had a therapist since he came out. My 3 sisters have also been great. I don't really have friends locally because we just moved here in Dec 2022. I have close friends scattered around the country and we keep up electronically and by phone.