lily wrote:
thanks Anon.
there's a couple of new posters in the MOM section and I feel for them so much. We straights are so vulnerable in these marriages. It's not a level playing field with one being attracted to the other and the other is free to act as they want.
This is the part that took me a long time to work out - they have all the power. As the one madly in love with my former spouse, I was devastated by all of this. I spent years supporting him. I made life decisions based on being married to him. I sacrificed so very much of myself in all of this. Meanwhile he was an abusive bully who acted like everything was my fault. The hardest part for me was when I realized that he never actually loved me. Because there is no way he could have, despite whatever lies he told himself. Which is why it was so easy for him to discard me like a piece of trash.
The trauma of finding out someone just used you for 20 years, up and left, and couldn't give a crap about you was on a whole other level of betrayal.
And, as the divorce process gets ugly (entirely because of him) I still find myself having mouth gaping moments at the sheer audacity of his behavior. He still believes that I should be acting as the doting wife, make sacrifices for him, and support him...while he has zero accountability for any of his actions and owes me nothing. He's actually irate that I got a lawyer and am taking him to court because I am not being a door mat (he thinks I should take 100% of the marital debt, get no support, and he gets 50% of the assets).
These people are a whole other level. And I agree with you - my heart aches when I read a lot of the new posts. I remember my first time posting, all those years ago. I look at how naive I was. And I remember the warnings I received from others on the forum and how I thought my situation was different *eye roll*
I am sure there are healthy examples out there of MOM, but I have yet to see more than I can count on one hand on this forum that were. And, the ones that are successful...the non-straight partner didn't do all of the things that you read about on this forum to their poor unsuspecting straight partner.
