OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Lost my life

**Posted by Odd_Education_882** September 17, 2023 2:55 pm

I am 59 and have been dealing with this for years. Tried counseling and couples therapy over the years. My husband finally acknowledged he “might be bi” about 6 years ago but was desperate to stay married. He is terrified of his father or our children knowing. I feel like such a fool. I have loved him for 25+ years. I have always been faithful and saw him through cancer and amputation of his leg as a result. Now I just found out that nothing has changed except he doesn’t have any interest in sex with women. Yet he says he loves me but I feel I have gotten to the point where I can not live his lie or be his cover anymore. This is agony!!!! his ex wife tried to warn me. I should have listened. Now we are expecting our 2nd grandchild and I am so exhausted trying to balance all the lies. I am done. I got to the point of being suicidal about 4 years ago and went into therapy, through it all he insisted he is not gay. We have not had sex in years. He is unable to have sex with me because I am female. He spends HOURS a day surfing porn and scheduling hook ups with men. I had a great career but quit my job about 5 years ago to provide care for our first grandchild. Now my 401k is gone and it feels like I am stuck. Defeated and heartbroken and feeling so very stupid.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 17, 2023 3:23 pm

Odd_Education_882 wrote:
.

Welcome to our Forum Odd_882
You're not stuck....you simply haven't reached the point of no return yet, meaning you know you want out but haven't made the decision.....yet. For many straightspouses I'd say "you need time and space away from your husband to think" but I don't believe you do. You already know deep down he is in fact gay, or bi, so all the energy you've put into thinking, questioning, worrying about it....well now you can stop.

Are you a care-giver for your husband or is he know recovered and able to work?

Elle

**Posted by Odd_Education_882** September 17, 2023 3:32 pm

I am not a caretaker for my husband since his last surgery to remove cancerous nodes from his lungs, which weirdly coincides with when he began actively pursuing hook ups with men (complete with close up photos of his hand et al, with the wedding ring I picked out.) I am a full time caretaker of my 88yo mother and part-time for his 83yo father. So many layers that a divorce would expose.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 17, 2023 3:37 pm

Have you talked to a lawyer yet?

**Posted by Rob** September 17, 2023 5:34 pm

Odd

At this point I would talk to a lawyer. Maybe he's entitled to half of everything..he is also entitled to halfthe debt.