Some Advice

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Posted by specialist
February 27, 2023 3:56 pm
#1

Hi everyone, I will come straight to the point.  My partner has told me she is Bi and wants to meet up with a girl she had a one-night stand with prior to our relationship (we've been together 10 months now) I knew about the one-night stand from the outset and my partner is always brutally honest.  

I have agreed to her meeting the other woman as I really do love my GF for who she is and her sexuality, however, I am so torn with my decision, the anxiety is overwhelming for me. Is this really something I can cope with?  Have any guys on here been through the same?
 

Last edited by specialist (February 27, 2023 3:57 pm)

 
Posted by Ellexoh_nz
February 27, 2023 4:47 pm
#2

specialist wrote:

...I have agreed to her meeting the other woman as I really do love my GF for who she is and her sexuality.... 

Once you agree/are okay with the person you love meeting, knowing, getting involved with, being intimate with another person, no matter their gender, your r'ship will never be the same again. Ever.
Harsh but true

You have a soft place to fall here. Welcome

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 
Posted by Daryl
February 27, 2023 5:35 pm
#3

What if it was with some other dude she had a fling with before you became a couple ? Just because she's identified as bi doesn't create some biological urge that outstrips a monogamous commitment to a relationship with another. It's like me arguing that I can't be with only one woman because I like more than one colour of hair.

If monogamy is what you need, you have the right to ask for that. You should be just as brutally honest. Do not let the labels take priority over your wants and needs, especially if it's just going to lead to anxiety.
 


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 
Posted by lily
February 27, 2023 7:42 pm
#4

well my ex pretended he wasn't gay.  Eventually he admitted to being bisexual and then he took that back when I kept on saying it wasn't the same as straight and he should have told me.  So not the same as you but when I first arrived at this forum there were plenty of people who were prepared to say bi now gay later.

Plenty of bisexuals have their family and then break up in mid life leaving a trail of devastation through their families.  How many gay couples in mid life break up so they can have a straight partner?  ever heard of one?  I haven't.

Your anxiety is something worth listening to.

 
Posted by Blackie563
February 27, 2023 8:40 pm
#5

Welcome - I agree with Daryl. Bi or not, if someone is opting out of the relationship, or the terms you had when you started the relationship, then you should consider that as part of your evaluation. I cant tell you what to do, but I do know about holding out hope for something that may or may not happen. It wasnt worth it, and likely isnt for you if you are feeling like this right now. Everytime she goes out with her friends that are girls, are they friends, or lovers? You won't know. Not because she is bi, but because it appears she has no problem putting what she wants, over your emotional well being. 

Good luck, hang in there. Do what you feel is best. I am days from finalizing a divorce post 23 years...I dont even think my ex is gay even though she is with a woman now. Ultimately, it does not matter. She had an affair, lied and continued lying for months and did not care about our kids or how bad I felt. She only cared about herself. Your situation is yours...but I think you'll find many on this board with consistent stories, unfortunately. 

 


 
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