OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Anybody have a positive relationship with their ex-spouse?

**Posted by Onahealingpath** February 12, 2023 8:56 am

HereinMpls2717 and Blackie563:

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

I can hear and almost touch the pain in each of your posts. Both of your spouses have acted abominably. I'm so sorry.

It is a very difficult thing to unwind a marriage to someone you love as I am finding out minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day.

I appreciate your hopeful words - even as you write in the reality that your situations will not likely end with a "good relationship" on the other side.

**Posted by Daryl** February 12, 2023 10:11 am

So much of this depends on how your spouse has behaved, before, during, and afterwards.
It's also important to have a good relationship with yourself.

**Posted by Onahealingpath** February 12, 2023 11:23 am

Daryl:

Good insights. Thank you.

**Posted by gwendolyn_C** February 14, 2023 8:48 am

Onahealingpath - thank you for sharing your story. I have seen similar red flags as my husband has confessed that he's bisexual but really GID. My GID husband only confessed after a year after welcoming his new 'friends' into our life. I like to call it the event that changed the trajectory of our marriage, my GID husband decided to lie and not come home 4 days after a work trip. This was in 2021 when he swears to this day that he went to New York for another business trip, but his phone was off the entire time! He wanted me to believe that he would be out of the country and unreachable. Fast forward to 2022, and he says that he's going camping with his friends on his birthday. After reading your story, now I understand what type of camping trip it was! I looked up gay campgrounds in my area and found several where he said he was traveling! My suspicions lead me to believe that he went on a camping trip in 2021 too! I have already started the legal process to get a divorce. However, these lies damage our chances of actually being friends in the future. This is not my definition of friendship. I have to accept this. It's hard because I love him but he can't take my love for granted. We both are committed to raising our children in love and a positive household.

The blessing is I would still be in the phase of TRYING to make my marriage work if I didn't find this forum. I understand that my story is not unique. I had to listen to the stories of those who have given years of trying to 'fix' their marriage. It's not an easy road at the moment but I believe it will get better!

**Posted by Onahealingpath** February 14, 2023 9:35 am

Gwendolyn-
Thanks for reaching out.

As I said in my story, funny thing, the internet. It contains a wealth of information if you go looking with even a partial idea of what you need to find.

In two weeks, when my husband and I get home from our month-long stay in a warm weather state, we will start dissolving our marriage. It’s hard to imagine disentangling our joint lives -physically, financially, and most importantly, emotionally. But both of us know this is the only path that makes sense for our future.

Sounds like your children are still young. I can only imagine the additional challenges you face. Our two grown boys live 1000 and 2000 miles away respectively, and although we keep in touch regularly, we do not have the kind of “drop in” relationship with them as we would if we all lived in the same area. My thoughts are with you as you navigate the end of your marriage and the remaining years of raising your children together.

**Posted by gwendolyn_C** February 14, 2023 9:58 am

Onahealingpath - Thank you. I appreciate all of the positive thoughts. Have you considered moving closer to your grandchildren once the divorce is final?

**Posted by Onahealingpath** February 14, 2023 3:05 pm

Gwendolyn-

No, I haven’t thought about moving close to the grands, as much as I love them. I have a really full life filled with friends, volunteer activities, service on a couple of non-profit boards, etc in my home community. I’m not as busy as I was when I was working, but my retired schedule is not too far off! I’m also very comfortable traveling solo (navigating airports and public transportation) to see them, and have done so on several occasions during the time I was retired but my husband was still working.

Thanks for the well-wishes.

**Posted by gwendolyn_C** February 15, 2023 7:41 am

Onahealingpath - I love it! I've noticed being comfortable in my identity, knowing my self-worth, and enjoying my hobbies have been not only therapeutic, but it pushes me to think about what I really want out of life. Good for you to know what will work for you! You're my Shero :-)!

**Posted by Onahealingpath** February 15, 2023 7:50 am

Gwendolyn-

Awww, thanks! And you are mine!

You nailed it - being comfortable in your own identity, knowing your self worth, and using these very hard moments to reflect about what you want in life-all wonderful strategies. (And my therapist has said the exact same things!!)