Lostatsea, I am sorry you are feeling paralyzed. I spent most of one year feeling stuck. It was frustrating and debilitating. Self compassion helped me a lot. And not isolating. Everything in my house, my head, and my work was disorganized. This type of betrayal trauma can cause problems regulating our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, (the fight, flight or freeze actions)and the ability to calm ourselves down when overwhelmed. So much has been learned about how trauma affects the body, and ways to work THRU the body for relief. EMDR and Somatic Experiencing are two of the best for trauma in the body. As a tree hugging dirt worshiper, getting out in nature helped me the most. And talking, hanging with neighbors or friends, as being alone was almost intolerable at the beginning. I try to remember what my grief counselor told me, that this type of loss is ambiguous, more complicated and difficult than a true death. When your spouse dies you are expected to feel debilitated and need help to function, take time to heal. In our situations, we are expected to keep going as if nothing traumatic has happened. Our experience is not validated. In essence, we are not seen or heard. As humans we NEED to be seen and heard and have witness to our experiences. Grief begins to heal when we share it with another. However many times it takes. Sending you strength and hope on this day.