I feel as though I am aimlessly bumbling through life and I just don't care. I vacillate between feeling numb, soul crushing agony, and the occasional incident of blinding anger. 

I make impulsive decisions that aren't always the most thought out. I should be counting every penny, instead I went out and bought a couple extravagant items. I comfort myself on the fact that although I'm spending a lot right now, I am also working pretty much every waking hour....but the point of it was to build a safety nest and emergency fund. And I could be growing it a hell of a lot faster...

I also am not happy with the rescue right now. My new cat, Pumpkin, has been with me 2.5 weeks now. She wasn't quite "right" when I brought her home but I thought it was related to the stress of the move/change. It didn't settle after a week so I took her to the vet. Turns out she's a sick cat. Long story short she required blood, UA, several meds, and she has to go back next week for a sedated exam as her mouth is full of ulcers. She has an autoimmune disease that will likely require life long medication.

So, I spoke to the rescue and asked for her medical history before I made the decision to adopt her. They told me they don't release medical records until after the adoption but that she had had a few health things, but she is now thriving and there's nothing that will cause long term issues.

I have her for 1.5 weeks before they send me her vet records.....and, there it is. They did biopsies of her mouth and she was diagnosed with the autoimmune disease at intake (all I was told is she had a dental cleaning due to plaque buildup *eye roll*). My vet has assured me that her issues are treatable and she can live a half decent life...but it involves ongoing meds and potentially expensive surgery that would need a specialist vet.

I contacted the rescue and said that she had extensive medical issues. They told me that they informed me of her issues and basically it's my problem now. I have gone back through every correspondence I had with them....and there is zero mention of any ongoing medical issues, let alone telling me about the autoimmune stuff.

Some people have told me to just return her. But I know what will happen to a manky little cat with serious medical issues that no one even asked about for close to a year....

Does everyone in this world just lie? I feel like they figured I was a sucker enough that I would fall in love with her, take her home, and then by the time I found out the extent of everything I would already be attached and just keep her. Which.....they're right damnit! l feel taken advantage of because I'm a nice person who sticks to my commitments...

I can't return my manky black snotty cat with half an ear missing and no teeth. I feel like I just attract the rag tag band of misfits into the mess that is my life.

My gay soon to be ex husband came over today to do work on the house. It was really weird. He was also going through my drawers looking for stuff and helped himself to a pop from the fridge...the level of familiarity made me kinda uncomfortable.

Ironically, I am watching a tv show right now and it's a gay couple who "found each other late in life" - the one discovered he was gay but his family "wouldn't let him come out" so he just ran away one day and left his wife and kids behind and didn't communicate with them for 15 years. He then found his true love and soul mate. Now he's on his death bed and his lover is by his side and he calls the wife and kids to come say good bye, and they're all crying and hugging and kum baya-ing.

Gay half ex something husband was nice, pleasant, and did a ton of work on the house, and even did the yard work to get everything set up for winter. I just stayed out of the way.....and then cried on the floor for 45 mins after her left. Still living the mind fuck.