OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Boyfriend of 3 years- fetish for TS MTF - meth addict - HIV+

**Posted by wonder woman b** October 9, 2022 4:27 pm

I’m living a soap opera, a nightmare and I can’t wait to wake up. (He is 46, I am 43).

My BF hid his HIV status from me, and I found out by finding his Prep medication and had to confront him. He told me he would get high on crystal and has a fetish for trans MTF (he calls them TS). He said he would have sex with men, group sex, loves sex with passable TS, and all types of sex with multiple people while high on meth. Even admitting to sleeping with over 100 men, and slept with more men than women.

I did so much for him. I bailed him out of jail when we first met bc he went into psychosis and damaged property. He was clean for 19 months- the longest he’s ever been clean.

He told me he had an anal fetish, we were experimenting one day, and then he said, “I’m not your soulmate. We had a good run. I do watch gay porn”, and then he left to do drugs and have sex with men.

Basically, when he came back from his bender, he cried and told me he doesn’t want to lose me. Says he doesn’t know why he can’t stop doing drugs. Swears up and down that he is not gay or bi and that he could never have a relationship with a man or a TS.

My friends would tell me meth doesn’t make you gay, and that he uses meth as an excuse to have anal sex.

Whenever I brought up his sexuality or tried telling him it is ok to be gay, he never wanted to discuss it.

Our sex life was just sex- no passion, no lust, and he never moaned like he enjoyed it, eyes closed, made excuses for not wanting to have sex.

He is an Electrician, construction boots big hands Mr. fix-it type, extremely handsome, 6’0”, but also effeminate which I thought that was bc he’s from LA. I’ve been told I am an attractive woman and that I deserve better- as in someone who doesn’t lie to me, manipulate me into thinking I am crazy, the gaslighting, the drug addiction, convicted felon, his questionable sexuality, oh- and he gave me Syphilis which turned into neurosyphillis.

I found Grindr on his phone one month ago, and saw email exchanges between him and a TS that he had sex with in June while in NJ, (we live in CA), and I was finally strong enough to kick him out. I’ve been told that he met a TS girl in her 20’s who calls him Daddy. He was with her one month ago and then started showing bumps on his lip, and she kicked him out. He sobered up, told me the reason he uses is bc of our relationship, apologized for hurting me but he continues to play the victim.

I found out last night that he is with her again.

The lies and deception and the abuse I felt over the last 3 years is overwhelming. So much so that I have PTSD from the STD, and my mind created MPX symptoms last month. I’m negative and clean thank god. But my body is definitely going through an acute stress reaction.

I can’t believe this is my life. But I am grateful to see this support forum. My emotions change by the hour. I cry, I’m mad, I’m ok. I don’t know how to go through the transition period rt now, he always comes back. But this time I was strong enough to set boundaries and block him on my phone. I am emotionally exhausted and just want to be alone. But I miss our daily text messages. I miss cuddling at night. I miss the sober person he used to be. This is the hardest part at the moment. =(

**Posted by wonder woman b** October 9, 2022 5:19 pm

Yes- I HATE that drug and have an amazing drug addiction therapist who validated my feelings and that I’m a classy woman who needs to work on my self-esteem. I never tried meth, I don’t do drugs, nor do I hang out with people who do drugs. I was conned by a con-artist.

I’m clean, got tested 3 weeks after we last had sex. I will continue to get tested as long as I am in a sexual relationship with anyone.

He says, “Sometimes you have to believe in others in order for them to believe in themselves. You’re like Wonder Woman, and you will learn how strong you really are”.

Now it’s time to focus on me. I pray that I never return to the abuse I endured.
Thank you. xoxoxo

I am going no contact and hope he doesn’t come crawling back if he ever hits rock bottom. Or I hope that I’m strong enough to continue to set no contact boundaries IF.

Last edited by wonder woman b (October 12, 2022 8:49 am)

**Posted by Abby** October 9, 2022 6:13 pm

If he has a key to your home get the locks changed and beef up security to protect yourself. Few people would accept the b.s. you've put up with from him so you are going to be his fall-back and he is going to want to continue manipulating you.

That's why is is important to have no contact at all with him and take steps to keep yourself safe. He may resorts to intimidation when he can't get what he wants from you otherwise so be ready to call the police
and follow through against him. "Whatever he is, he isn't for you.

**Posted by wonder woman b** October 9, 2022 6:23 pm

Thank you Abby.

I live in an apartment complex with a lot of people around. He was supposed to give my neighbor my key last night but he called in sick to work so that he could get high and hang with his new TS GF. =(

Thankfully he has never been violent towards me, BUT, I know that meth is a scary dangerous drug and changes peoples personalities.

I’ve only seen him high twice as he wants nothing to do with me or his friends when he’s high, and when he comes down, he is ashamed and angry and depressed because he is GID.

I have his TV, his snowboard, and a few small items that he is supposed to pick up next week.

I need to stay strong and keep him blocked on my phone and or arrange for him to get his things from my neighbor.

**Posted by Abby** October 9, 2022 7:49 pm

Arrange for him to get his stuff through someone else. Get the locks changed. Even if he gives you back a key there is no security in that because he could have had it copied.

**Posted by wonder woman b** October 12, 2022 8:05 am

Thank you all for your advice. I’m trying not to spiral and work has been so stressful.

My sleep schedule is inconsistent and I’m barely sleeping at night. I’m so sad, trying not to fall into victim mode, trying to stay present and not let my thoughts run into a black hole. Ugh I can’t help it!!

It hurts. I’m in so much sadness and pain. Next goal is to lose 5lbs in 30 days. Time to focus on Wonder Woman b who is going to get through this stronger than ever.

Will I ever trust again? My neighbor has been coming on to me, despite me saying we are better off as friends and I do not want to have sex with him. He continues to push boundaries, while I was washing dishes two nights ago, he was visiting with me, he came up behind me and began kissing my neck. He ignores my verbal requests, my body language when I try to push him away, he does not budge and uses his strength in opposition.

I finally sent a text message yesterday setting boundaries. His response was deny deny deny, he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. Gaslighting!!! He thought I was putting it in text to send a screenshot to the GID EX BF. That is not my intention, my intention was to set boundaries. Lastly, he began to tell me what type of man I needed. A heterosexual man who has a slight problem with E/D. I didn’t engage in his toxicity and frankly do not want to be friends. (He’s a personal trainer and I paid him to make a meal plan for me for one month so unfortunately I have to be in contact with him.) But he is moving in 1-2 months so I will be free from his toxic energy. I’m just venting.

How or why do I attract people who take advantage and don’t respect my boundaries? Therapy is Saturday and I cannot wait to get all of this out.

Thank you for listening (reading).