OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Venting about the BS this has brought into my life

**Posted by Anon2222** October 2, 2022 11:30 pm

I don't even know where to begin in all of this. As if I don't have enough BS in my life...

I found out today that my brother and his girlfriend made some blase remarks about me. His girlfriend moved in to his house about a year ago, and since then he has changed a lot. I have no idea why, but he has started treating my parents pretty disrespectfully. I have had limited contact with them...but I heard about it all through my mom. I wasn't sure how bad it was as I haven't been around them a ton. And then this happened.

Apparently my brother has decided I'm the golden child and my parents favor me and treat me better. I honestly don't know where this is coming from because my parents have been kind and generous to us both.

We're also middle aged adults, and my parents don't owe us their money. I don't expect them to pay my way in life and I work my butt off for what I have. He, on the other hand, has been getting really pushy about their money, to the point where his girlfriend is now right smack in there with her hand out too.

According to the girlfriend I have "finally got what I deserved" as "it's about time something happened in my perfect, easy life". ie: I deserved to get dumped by my husband.

I had invited him and his girlfriend, and my parents to Thanksgiving dinner (Canada). I have a ham to use up that I will never be able to eat alone. I told them to expect nothing as far as hosting, as I am not doing well. And said everyone can bring sides, I'll provide the ham, and all I want is just some family support.

Well, I get a text from my brother (who is not aware I heard what his girlfriend has been saying) saying oh btw, I invited her adult kids, their boyfriends, her parents and a few other people. To my house. On Thanksgiving.

Does he think I'm just partying it up over here?! Like....I can barely get out of bed and function. Let alone host 15 strangers of his girlfriends family!!!!!

I don't know what the hell is up with him. To be this callous. And I also want in on this easy perfect life that I supposedly had (I have dealt with more crap in my life than anyone knows and just got dumped by my gay husband of 2 decades....I'm sure people are just lining up to trade *eye roll*)

Anyone else have absolutely ridiculous family members among all this BS?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 3, 2022 1:38 am

How rude and presumptuous! Sounds like the girlfriend may be a big part of this 'new attitude' of your brother?

Lock up the house. Go see your parents on Thanksgiving. Tell your brother it's cancelled. Don't tell him where you're going

Hugs from Elle

Edited to say... We don't do Thanksgiving in NZ...!

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (October 3, 2022 1:39 am)

**Posted by Gloria** October 3, 2022 6:36 am

After May 2020, when I found out that my ex boyfriend was gay, I did not invite him to holiday dinners. My family has nothing against gay people but they did not appreciate his lies. By the next holiday season, I had broke up with him and married a wonderful. man I have to admire Elle and others who can eat holiday meals with men who lied to them and presented themselves as hetrosexual. I will hold a good thought for you.

**Posted by Rob** October 3, 2022 6:43 am

Anon

So sorry.. I don't know what it is about the holidays..it is a stressful time where nobody wants to entertain or cook but everyone expects to go somewhere and be fed and entertained. My family decided we would order the food from a restaurant several years and we all ship in on paying.

But your brother..he is in a fantasy land with no clue what you went through. Since he has so many people ask him if he will host..if not ask him why...

And then...ask him if he thinks you deserve the hurt ..and tell him you are hurting and does it make him happy. Ask him why..

So sorry...

**Posted by Anon2222** October 3, 2022 9:46 am

Yah. She is definitely the issue. Like, my family is not rich by any means, but my parents have done well for themselves. She has stepped in a few times now talking about "asset division" if they should pass....uhhh...you aren't their kid.

I wish I could just invite my family, but I of course included her...and then I figured ok, maybe her kids too would come. So I was expecting that. But...I was not expecting the rest of her family....I don't even know them.

Besides the fact that I don't have enough chairs, plates, etc for this many people. And I flat out can't afford to feed that many people. I already have a small ham and got some nice biscuits to make up, I was not planning on going on a spending spree as I'm flat broke....

I just....is he really that stupid? Am I being too harsh? But come on, does he really think that a week after my gay husband moves out I want to host a party? Some days I still struggle even just getting out of bed. He has also not once reached out during this whole thing to say hey, ask how I'm doing, nothing. At this point I'm debating just calling the whole thing off and eating my ham alone lol

**Posted by Abby** October 3, 2022 1:01 pm

Rather than having a conversation with him why not skip the dialogue and just tell him that you do not feel up to hosting a large gathering this year and so are cancelling.

Leave the ham in the freezer and do (and eat) whatever will help you de-stress.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 3, 2022 5:45 pm

Abby wrote:
Rather than having a conversation with him why not skip the dialogue and just tell him that you do not feel up to hosting a large gathering this year and so are cancelling.......Leave the ham in the freezer and do (and eat) whatever will help you de-stress.

This!

**Posted by Daryl** October 3, 2022 6:40 pm

Abby wrote:
Rather than having a conversation with him why not skip the dialogue and just tell him that you do not feel up to hosting a large gathering this year and so are cancelling.

Leave the ham in the freezer and do (and eat) whatever will help you de-stress.

Especially if he has not asked, what should everyone bring? You are the host, you control the guest list.
Will he be annoyed? Probably.
Does it matter? In light of his general lack of support, not really.

**Posted by lily** October 3, 2022 7:09 pm

Anon, so sorry to hear this.

Chances are your brother will listen to his girlfriend and do her bidding, no matter what - talking with him will not help at all, no matter how good friends you are.

Follow Abby's excellent advice - say you're not up to hosting a party this year and if you can, say something nice about the girlfriend, it can help surprisingly well.

Last edited by lily (October 3, 2022 7:17 pm)

**Posted by Anon2222** October 3, 2022 9:47 pm

I told him that I would not be able to accommodate that many people and he would have to make other arrangements if he wanted to have a large group. Now he is trying to talk my parents into hosting. If my parents do host, I honestly don't know if I would attend. I'm just not in the head space to deal with her and her entire family. I don't want to parade around faking happy. I just don't have the energy right now. And I still have random bouts of crying if anyone gets too personal. And I just don't feel comfortable around her....especially now that I hear they're mocking my perfect life. Just what a gal needs....to get kicked while you're down...