Posted by gwendolyn_C  September 28, 2022 2:12 pm | #1 |
Hello – it’s been some time since I gave an update. My GIH and I are still married. I hired a lawyer and started the proceedings to get a divorce. However, I did not want to take my children through a divorce and separate my family. Instead, my GIH and I have decided to co-parent together in the same household. I have agreed to stay married until I have more options (I have not said this to my husband). How do we make this work? Well, it’s not always easy, but it has become smoother. I now realize that my husband’s childhood was complicated, and I became collateral damage. However, I no longer expect that he should love me as a husband. I have released any expectations but to be a good Father. He is a very good Father!
Back to how we are making it work! My husband was already living in the guest bedroom in the basement due to back issues for the last 2.5 years, so he said. It’s normal for our children to see us both retreat to our separate bedrooms. Having our own space helps! We have managed to be intentional in carving out time to spend together to express any concerns. I should also mention my husband travels for work 60% of the time. I also found a new therapist to focus on what I want in life! I am still grieving the happily ever story. We genuinely love each other, but it hurts to still be in this situation. I didn’t get married to end up in this situation! However, it’s my personality to manage and take a pragmatic approach. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve had my share of emotional outbreaks during this time!
Lastly and unexpectedly, I have been in a monogamous relationship for about two years with someone who loves me and only me. That’s another story for another day. I plan to use these years to build my exit strategy when the time is right. I’m unsure of every step but willing to see the positives along the way. My husband and I are focused on raising our three children in a loving household.
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz September 28, 2022 6:24 pm | #2 |
Gwendolyn...hello 
Good progress! You've moved forward, well done. I also had seen a lawyer and while I haven't started the proceedings of divorce.....I saw it as another positive step for my confidence.
I've made living with my bisexual partner of 37 years easier with emotional detachment. I still have moments but for the most part I'm resigned to living with him til something changes.
I realise some of the younger straightspouses still miss/look for/dream of an intimate r'ship in their future but I'm happy without it (I'm 64 and I'm surviving)
Question; what do you do for yourself when the man you married is "away for work"..?
Elle
KIA KAHA
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Posted by gwendolyn_C September 29, 2022 12:50 pm | #3 |
MJM017 wrote:
Sounds like you're making the best of this situation and are moving ahead. This forum is open 24/7 should you need support. Best of luck!
Yes - I'll indeed need the support as it was this group that gave me the strength to figure out what I WANTED on my terms! Thank you!
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Posted by gwendolyn_C September 29, 2022 1:22 pm | #4 |
Gwendolyn...hello
Good progress! You've moved forward, well done. I also had seen a lawyer and while I haven't started the proceedings of divorce.....I saw it as another positive step for my confidence.
I've made living with my bisexual partner of 37 years easier with emotional detachment. I still have moments but for the most part I'm resigned to living with him til something changes.
I realise some of the younger straightspouses still miss/look for/dream of an intimate r'ship in their future but I'm happy without it (I'm 64 and I'm surviving)
Question; what do you do for yourself when the man you married is "away for work"..?
Elle
Wow, Elle! This is why I'm happy this Forum exists! There are so many different situations that we can all learn.
Now to your question, I have 3 young children (14, 9, 5)! My husband has been traveling since we have been together for over 18 years. The kids keep me quite busy. I also live close to my family and friends with one big hobby of bodybuilding! It just so happens, an unexpected love fell into my life about 2 years ago. I remained a devout wife for 15 years, although my needs were lacking. I kept the blinders even when my husband introduced his new 'friends' into our life. We are both devout Christians and believe in the vows. Well, I thought we both believed in our vows. I knew we had issues because of these friends and sought a counselor to help us. Fast forward, I met a man at work that remained a friend for over 1.5 years, BUT my husband and I were having problems. I crossed the line and kissed this man. I came home to tell my husband because I knew he would be relieved deep down inside. Fast forward, my husband and I have agreed to be in relationships with different people. I know the man he's in a relationship with (overall pretty nice guy). My husband knows of my companion (he is single with no children - 15 years older). My husband respects my relationship because he sees this man is willing to love me as he should have done (these were his words). My husband and I frequently discuss the time we want to spend outside the house and ANY problems we may have or feel. We talk ALOT! When my husband travels, my time with my companion is quality over quantity! I focus on the needs of the kids.
In hindsight, I should've listened to those subtle signs of questioning my husband's sexual orientation before we married. However, here we are with three beautiful children committed to making the best of the situation.
The strange part of this situation is my husband believes this is a Chapter in our love story. He believes that we will find our way back to each other. That is hard to swallow. It offers too much hope in my eyes. My focus is to provide a genuinely loving household for our children.
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz September 29, 2022 1:57 pm | #5 |
......There are so many different situations that we can all learn......
My husband and I frequently discuss the time we want to spend outside the house and ANY problems we may have or feel. We talk ALOT! When my husband travels, my time with my companion is quality over quantity! I focus on the needs of the kids.
However, here we are with three beautiful children committed to making the best of the situation....
Wow! is right Gwendolyn. A few years ago I would have craved having the good communication that you have with yours...with my own partner. But we've crossed over that bridge because neither of us want to talk anymore.
I could never be where you are....and that's okay, no judgement from me. In fact I applaud your resilience. It's much harder when your children are small and the compromises you've made are for them. It's so great you have family close too
Elle
KIA KAHA
