Blackie563 wrote:

...... In my head I go back and forth from wanting to leave now and just deal with the pain, but have a starting point for something new, back to wanting to stick it out and fight for what we built together for 23 years (19 years marriage, 23 together)...... 

 

Yeah you can expect to do that....the back & forth, should-I-stay? no-I'll-go!.....for however long it takes you to come to the acceptance of the change in your life. Real tough with younger children because we don't want to hinder their growth and happiness from our painful situation. Mine were adults and I was able to openly discuss it with them.

Space...you both need space, even living in the same house. Are you able to sleep separately? 
We sleep in separate rooms. best thing I ever did! We're in our 38th year together
 

Blackie,

We were about 40 years of age, 20 years married, 4 children. My wife fell in love with a woman, it was one sided. After some months my wife told me she was lesbian. So in that regard there is quite some simularity with your situation.
This all happened 17 years ago, we're still married (monogamous) and happy together. If you're interested how, you can read our story in the MOM section (my wive SamanthaNL also has a topic there).

It is finished. She has agreed in principle to dissolution vs. divorce, which accomplishes the same thing, but cost significantly less. We told the kids last night and it was easily, the worst night of my adult life. They were/are absolutely devastated. That has got me absolutely gutted. That said, I think it's the right decision. 

She thinks she really doesn't like men, other than me, but is very attracted to men. The whole being in love thing with the other woman, she says, is separate. Our issue was simply "she no longer loves me as anything more than a friend". When asked what does a woman provide you I am not...she had no answer. Regardless, it's over. I am gutted, but at least I am no longer in limbo. Not the result I wanted, but clarity is priceless. 

Good luck to you all!

Wow, Blackie, I realize this must be so very hard for you. You & I are not far off time-wise with our spouses. I'll keep praying for you, that God's peace will envelope you & your children. I know I'm a hair's breath away from a similar outcome. 30 years in, & I can't imagine pulling the plug on the defining relationship of my life. I love my wife so much. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Please take care of yourself & your children. Peace be with you.

Daryl wrote:

None of us entered marriage with this result in mind. Sometimes it's the only realistic solution. Keep an eye on the kids. Ensure they know they can ask questions any time. Continue to be honest with them, even if the answer is that you don't know yet.

I have to disagree with your spouse. This isn't multiple issues, it's all aspects of one great big one.

Take care of yourself and continue to post as often as you need to.
 

I am Daryl, I am doing the best I can. Took them out for ice cream, told them any question is fair game. Some I can answer, some I can not. Some they have to ask their mother. I won't out her, but I wont lie for her either. I agree with you, whatever it is, impacting her life over the last 6 months, perhaps ,longer, it deeply rooted and its one big thing. I may never know what it is, because I dont think she can find it until she stop lying to herself first. Only then can she be honest with others and get the help she needs. She actually thinks she has a handle on things, which is the saddest part, but also common among people with mental health and addictions. I feel broken, but I continue to rise.