Message to myself from the past

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Posted by September
March 28, 2022 7:49 pm
#1

I wrote this back in January of 2017 at approximately 10p.m. Back when I thought I was the problem. It was one of many lonely nights. I was laying in bed next to my husband listening to him snore and wondered what was wrong with me. To this day I still don’t have a definite answer but I at least have a bit of clarity. I know a lot of people can relate to these words and it feels good to share. Reading this makes me realize how long of a journey it’s been.


Unwanted
Unlonged for
Undesired
I just want you to want me
Long to touch me
desire me
Desire my body
Our lack of physical affection has contributed to my lack of self confidence
Ugly and unappealing to your eyes
And maybe that's what I am
I'll touch myself and feel good for a moment
But only a moment
Then the self loathing begins
The loneliness
Emptiness
Is it possible to drown in nothing
Suffocate from nothing
Because that's what I feel like
Nothing

 
Posted by Ellexoh_nz
March 29, 2022 1:19 pm
#2

September wrote:

I wrote this back in January of 2017 .....

 

It's a solitary journey much of the time September. And I believe it's good practice to keep and be able to look back at how you were feeling and what you were writing down....as a gauge of your progress. No matter how old we are, where we are in the world, who we're with...the task to deal with this is ultimately ours.
I keep a record of much of the thoughts I've had and even though I deleted some because of frustration & anger...it's all still in my memory
I wish I could erase it all but until I'm no longer here or no longer care it'll be with me forever

Elle
 


KIA KAHA                       
 
Posted by Gloria
March 31, 2022 10:09 am
#3

Elle, i am happy to hear that you left the ex gay boyfriend. Good for you. I am proud of you.I agree that keeping a journal is a good idea.

 


 
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