Posted by anniescott  March 15, 2022 1:39 pm | #1 |
Hi all, I know this has been mentioned before (because I actually discovered it through this forum lol) but I just wanted to share again how effective EFT tapping can be for some people experiencing ongoing stress or trauma. I am not a medical professional but felt compelled to share if it helps even one person.
I've experienced so many excruciating emotions from my situation that it literally feels like they've been trapped in my body. Doing this at night or in the morning, I am shocked at how much it's helped to release what I haven't been able to for so long (I've tried medication, therapy, etc.). You can look up the details online, it's almost too simple to believe it could work but it has for many people. Hope it helps.
Last edited by anniescott (March 15, 2022 1:49 pm)
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Posted by lily March 15, 2022 11:07 pm | #2 |
Look the thing is if you are living in the garden and there is a snake in the grass, instinctively you become anxious, you are on the look out. If the person you trust the most is lying to you it feels very uncomfortable. This is a stressful way to live, you want to feel safe. You want to relax - over time it becomes traumatic to be stressed like that in your own home, the one place where you need to feel safe and loved.
It's like Feldenkrais - the principle is that you lean into the pain and ease it - I had a treatment, I had a sore ankle, well see by the time she'd relaxed my ankle, ;yes it worked, but the trouble is it was all tightened up in the first place because there was a crack in the bone. I ended up in worse pain, it was like taking a plaster cast off a fracture. I went from there to the hospital where they x-rayed it and told me I had a fracture.
It's all timing - if the crack had healed up beforehand, then Feldenkrais treatment would have been good for easing out any residual pain or stiffness.
Annie, if you don't mind me saying - if the cause of your stress is in the present then don't you want to deal with the situation you are in before attempting to heal from it?
Last edited by lily (March 15, 2022 11:21 pm)
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Posted by anniescott March 16, 2022 1:36 pm | #3 |
Hi Lily, I always feel enlightened when I read a response from you. I absolutely want to heal from this situation. I have to be honest, I am terrified of being alone in this world, as I'm sure many people are. I'm a pretty introverted person, hate dating, & rarely meet new people. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I am coming to terms with the chance that I could be alone for a very long time upon separating.
Obviously this is no excuse to stay in a partnership. But I do grapple with "this is better than nothing". Sometimes I think if he did have an attraction to men in some way, I could handle that, because I know he is also attracted to me as well and there are many other positives. I'm truly torn, but doing the best I can to figure this out. Thanks for listening.
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Posted by lily March 16, 2022 4:15 pm | #4 |
It's not better than nothing - more that the better your coping mechanisms, the more abuse you can absorb. How can you stay healed while you are still being bruised?
Yes we are all scared of being alone. It's a real thing and worth thinking through all the angles that present themselves - just take it step by step. that's the start of getting walking.
My experience was that feeling scared helped me make good decisions. Once I was living alone for a while I realised it was the loneliness that hurt so much rather than being alone, which I am more used to now. I don't feel that loneliness any more that I felt from being alone in my marriage. But I couldn't see that from within the marriage, and would often think the same - it's better than nothing . no it's not. Now I see it more like I was being fed the Kool-aid. It doesn't take much to make me happy in the easy going sense. But on a deeper level it was my happiness at stake.
Sometimes it's more about getting unstuck, than what happens next.
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Posted by LMM March 18, 2022 7:52 am | #5 |
Lily, this is very insightful and helpful. Yes, I believe that the actual experience of living on my own will be far better, even though I’ve spent years afraid of being lonely. It’s 2 weeks til he moves out, but I’m already making choices and I have my own bank account. I feel so afraid of being alone, but then if I lean into that idea I feel a sigh of relief that he won’t be watching me all the time. I don’t want him here watching what I do. I do t want to filter my emotions when something hard happens! I think it will be far better and happier and easier to be alone.
Also, I got EFT tapping as part of therapy in 2018-19. It didn’t seem to work at all. I also got EMDR about physical reactions (nerve pain, head pain) in marriage situations. It didn’t do anything. Now I’m seeing the therapist again, and I’ll ask her about these! Maybe it couldn’t work then while I was being manipulated and abused. Back then I was highly shamed and abused by my church leaders several times a month, too. I appreciate your insight about these tools being better after you’re out of the dangerous relationship.
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Posted by Rob March 18, 2022 7:26 pm | #6 |
LMM
Don't be afraid. Alone is ok.
What I found when I was going through TGT was that I was ok when away from her; I didn't lie, cheat or hurt myself. I didn't shake. I treated myself as kindly as I treated her.
There is a solace and peace in being alone..and it's so much better than being with someone that is plotting and scheming behind your back. Give some of your fierce kindness back to yourself..these spouses have forfeited their rights to it.
Wishing you strength and courage.
Last edited by Rob (March 18, 2022 7:27 pm)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
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Posted by LMM March 24, 2022 7:28 pm | #7 |
Rob, thanks for the kind encouragement that it'll be OK to be alone. My head keeps telling me this, but my body is going crazy with terror at the thought.
Which brings me to my general reply to this thread - I'm so glad this was posted about EFT tapping. I tried it again this week because I really do need it. I'm not being actively abused and manipulated by people like I was years ago when I tried this and EMDR. This time it works! I showed my 14-yr-old because she gets tension headaches from stress, and she says it makes a big difference. 
