OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Probably sounds familiar

**Posted by Rob** December 6, 2021 12:51 pm

No we are not "hobgoblins" and I could see that from just talking to strangers. My GX called me garbage and gave me either rage or the silent treatment...

No we are worth more than they comphrehend..it angers and annoys them that their false reality is not perpetuated by others.

**Posted by jamieblunt** December 14, 2021 9:45 am

well its all under way now
went to see the solicitors and signed/paid for the divorce.

Cant say i imagined at the start of 2021 this would have been how its ending, certainly wasn't on my bucket list to get divorced and let my wife set fire to all our dreams and plans, but maybe they were never hers she just didn't have the bottle to say what she wanted.

So if it all works out as we have discussed i will get to keep my house for the time being and in that time try to work out a way of buying her out so i don't have to sell, at the moment i can only think of cashing in my pension.

coming out really is the gift that keeps on giving.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 14, 2021 1:13 pm

Well JB... I applaud how you have handled all that has happened

Sending you 🤗 hugs halfway across the world

Elle

**Posted by lily** December 14, 2021 2:27 pm

yes it's horrible isn't it. more hugs coming your way. Hope things work out well for you Jamie, very much you deserve it.

**Posted by lily** December 14, 2021 2:58 pm

Abby wrote:
Aging does make it likely that I will be alone at the end but I hope the memories of loving and having been loved will sustain me and erase the painful memories of the coldness in my marriage.

thanks Abby, yes that is how I feel too. very much so. the feeling of loving and being loved, it's fundamental isn't it. and stays with me in a warm health giving home and hearth sort of way even though we are not together.

Last edited by lily (December 14, 2021 3:00 pm)

**Posted by Soaplife** December 14, 2021 8:31 pm

jamieblunt wrote:
well its all under way now
went to see the solicitors and signed/paid for the divorce.

Cant say i imagined at the start of 2021 this would have been how its ending, certainly wasn't on my bucket list to get divorced and let my wife set fire to all our dreams and plans, but maybe they were never hers she just didn't have the bottle to say what she wanted.

So if it all works out as we have discussed i will get to keep my house for the time being and in that time try to work out a way of buying her out so i don't have to sell, at the moment i can only think of cashing in my pension.

coming out really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Jamie I'm so sorry - none of us ever saw this coming, all part of the injustice.

I found it a weird kind of relief to have made the decision and got the divorce underway. The first time in years I'd made a unilateral decision.

The pain is finite, you are taking steps to end the madness, it does become your past rather than your present especially when you can minimise contact.

All the best to you and your kids.

**Posted by jamieblunt** January 7, 2022 2:56 am

i must have been a really bad person in a past life,
was getting very stressed with solicitors and the shared ownership company the stbx is using(as i am pretty much doing everthing for her) and my son had a bit of a meltdown at school, so i regained my zen, decided to focus on the children and let the divorce and her moving out be left to the cosmos,and yesterday i felt great, all re-orderd and in control, then i get a call from my dads care home,he is being kicked out for inappropriate behaviour, they called me on monday saying they were having difficulties with him but it was ok as they were addressing it, and three days later they are kicking him out, not excusing anything he may or may not have done but to go from all is well to execution in three days, when the home is failing to keep him and the other residents safe from each other is disgusting.
after the call my brain just shut down so i went of for a sleep, stbx was a rock, i told her about it but said i didnt want to talk about as i was on the verge of tears and breaking down, so i said i needed to go out for a walk and her response was "this is my evening to go out"

I did a little mind exercise last night and made two piles of the good and the bad,
the good; my children, my job, my friends, my health,
the bad; process of divorce, my dads behaviour

good beats bad which helped reorder my brain again but not sure why i deserve all this pressure

cant wait for her to be gone, she gets the divorce papers today, hopefully she does the right thing for once and agree them so we can get this crap done

**Posted by lily** January 7, 2022 3:56 am

oh Jamie, it never rains but it pours. sorry to hear about your dad, I had an uncle who did the same - his nervous system was melting down and he was put into a high care place from there, it wasn't long before he needed full time care and then he was gone.

I remember the point where the divorce is underway but not signed yet as super high stress. It just is. having a sleep and going for a walk are the best things to do. on the bad side the pressure just keeps going up until it is signed. on the good side once it is signed oh boy the pressure comes off.

Looking back I can see he was deliberately pressuring me, wanting one concession after another - it was a kind of psychological assault.

Sleep, go for walks, play with the children. strategise. don't let the pressure make you concede things you will wish you hadn't. if you can, push back - I couldn't, but then I'm a girl so you know I got through on my zen futon technique.

**Posted by Rob** January 7, 2022 5:17 am

So sorry..I remember the " it's my evening to go out" days during my divorce. It's funny because in the beginning when TGT started I shook with trauma when she went out.. toward the end, when we were divorcing, I was like please, please go out and away from me.

Hang in there...there is an end...try to use her insatiable desire to go out and be with her friend to your advantage..

**Posted by jamieblunt** January 7, 2022 7:41 am

Lily thankfully we have agreed 50/50 more or less and she is sticking to it.

Rob massive LOLZ as she is going out with the daughter tonight to one of her new friends (maybe even potentially a girl friend) i am dropping them off and picking them up, i just texted her a few minutes before i read your comment and it said, why not stay out, i will pick up the daughter so you can relax for longer.

I am totally ambivalent to her comings an goings, the only frustration now is when she is a dead weight at home or she tries to knock one of my very few social events off the calendar

Edit, sadly she just replied whe wants to be at home tonight, lucky me

Last edited by jamieblunt (January 7, 2022 7:42 am)