OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Probably sounds familiar

**Posted by jamieblunt** November 10, 2021 2:01 am

Elle thanks for the slap around, i think i needed that!
Lily my m8 is plan A, its the only way to achieve the divorce without selling the house (which the stbx agrees with) with his share of my house i can pay off the stbx and get the divorce sealed and done at the same time, without. I cant ask him to front up the money without ensuring that stbx has no onward claim on the house.

Plan B involved selling the house which neither of us want because of the children.

hes coming down for the weekend as stbx is away having a big gay weekend in Bristol so we are going to watch the all blacks hump the irish and we will talk about all of this so i can pin him down, weve known each other for 40 years and he wont let me down even if he is as mad as a box of frogs

**Posted by Gloria** November 10, 2021 8:40 am

Try and get custody of your children.

**Posted by jamieblunt** November 10, 2021 9:24 am

Hi Gloria
i really don't want to start a war, as much as stbx has destroyed our future plans etc she really isn't a bad person or mother. It would only end up hurting the children and i don't want to destroy stbx and that would,
also it has fallen naturally that my son wants to live with me and my daughter will want to be with her mum, i have to get advice from the solicitor i am seeing tomorrow but i cant see any court fighting the will of a 15 year old boy if they do indeed put the children first.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** **Online!** November 10, 2021 1:17 pm

jamieblunt wrote:
.....we are going to watch the all blacks hump the irish.....

The black caps just beat England in cricket

Re 'slapping you round the ears' LOL....I will say your children are THE most important people in all this. Before you, certainly before their mother and it's not as easy to see the harm it's doing to kids because it all gets lost in your own distress. Children don't have the words to express themselves and you won't know they didn't until it reappears in years to come...in their behavior, their attitude towards you, who they have become. It's why I said start focusing on them instead of their mother. She's already made decisions that will affect your childrens lives and can't even see the damage it may do.

Elle

**Posted by jamieblunt** November 12, 2021 3:06 pm

i saw the solicitor yesterday and my Plan A ,she believes will have no issue in front of a judge as its 50/50,joint custody and at the moment uncontested.
After Elle's "pep talk/slap" ive had a good week with the stbx, we even had a few pleasant conversations about when this is all over and other such stuff.
Now my only concern is making sure my mad as a box of frogs best m8 doesn't let me down, now i have my zen back i have said we will look at April to start the divorce with the no fault issue,
she is away on her big gay weekend so i am at home with the children but thats 100% fine with me
got my m8 coming round tomorrow to watch the boks, the all blacks and the prisoners.
Boks to best the sweaties
All Blacks to beat the paddies
plague island to beat the prisoners

**Posted by Daryl** November 12, 2021 5:33 pm

Good luck with this. It's never a fun process, but if both parties are in broad agreement, it may be less stressful.

**Posted by jamieblunt** November 12, 2021 6:27 pm

blinking solicitor nearly made me cry
she said it was refreshing /nice not to see someone trying to destroy the other party
really had to hold it in,

**Posted by lily** November 12, 2021 7:47 pm

another aspect to what your solicitor said - the odds are not good for your partner also being kind-hearted towards you.

certainly that turned out to be the case for me - while I was busy wanting things to be as good as possible for him, he was busy wanting things to be as bad as possible for me.

and I had no idea - I've only understood that with hindsight, so I wanted to say it to you now. It is a long time to wait before starting proceedings and I am thinking it might be possible to complete the financial separation agreement first, once you have the custody and financial separation agreements signed up, the divorce itself is a formality.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** **Online!** November 13, 2021 1:18 am

jamieblunt wrote:
blinking solicitor nearly made me cry
she said it was refreshing /nice not to see someone trying to destroy the other party
really had to hold it in,

You should have. Cried. Shown some emotion so she knows where your heart is. Sometimes the best thing is to actually tell your truth

**Posted by jamieblunt** November 13, 2021 2:55 am

Thanks Lily,thats a good thought i will ask next week if that finance stuff can be done at anytime as there is a fair it of faff involved, i know it is meaningless until the divorce happens but if we can get that bit done that would be good.
stbx doesnt even want to engage a solicitor for this,she says she trusts me 100%, i know you will all think its a trap but you really dont know her.