OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Travel Together With Family

**Posted by bbwallace** October 10, 2021 1:27 pm

My wife came out as queer/lesbian about eighteen months ago. We have filed for divorce which should be done by January. For the last eighteen months, we have been doing everything together (though living in separate rooms), including travelling, family events, friends, etc. The last few months I have had the feeling to separate more (still feeling anger and sadness over this). As November and December holiday travel approaches, I am trying to decide whether I want to travel with her and the kids (two kids 12 and 14 yo). Part of me feels like this is a good chance to move forward with my new life, and the other part wants us all to be together for holiday travel. Things are overall amiable between us. Any experiences or advice to share?

**Posted by bbwallace** October 10, 2021 3:04 pm

@longwayhome, my choices are a) travel with just me and the kids or b) travel with me, her and the kids. My gut says try something new so choice A. It feels like my life has changed and trying new things might help me cope/adjust. Thanks for your reply.

**Posted by Soaplife** October 11, 2021 11:06 am

bb, seeing as it involves the kids whose custody I assume you will share after the divorce is final, you probably need to first run your idea by your stbx and see what happens. If it is your final holiday season before divorce it will most likely be fraught with all sorts of feelings for all of you, especially if next holiday season will see you and ex in two new homes and your kids navigating shared custody.

**Posted by walkbymyself** October 11, 2021 1:45 pm

I'm wondering what kind of travel this involves. If it involves going to see family on either side ... I can really see how that could become a real ordeal for you, internally. Holiday travel can be stressful even under the best of circumstances.

But I agree that you should see what your stbx says.

**Posted by lily** October 13, 2021 1:17 pm

well divorce is divorce it says we don't want to be together. I would listen to your gut. It's baulking at the idea of a combined family holiday. Maybe you could adjust plans to something that feels more doable. yes, see what your stbx says.