OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / A gay ex-husband answers your questions

**Posted by Demons-halo** July 17, 2017 3:27 pm

We may be on the other side of the world but we are still here and on your side with support and understanding of people that have or are going through what you are.
My wife in the middle of our marriage counseling just came out and said. I feel like all this counseling is trying to help me not be gay. Which killed our counseling right there on the spot with our counselor saying I can't help you.

Last edited by Demons-halo (July 17, 2017 3:28 pm)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 17, 2017 3:35 pm

Demons-halo wrote:

I feel my partner thinks the counseling is me wanting him to 'not' be bisexual,
when all it is...is a process of understanding on my part that will hopefully lead
me to a definite decision on where it's best for me to be.
His refusing to go to the appointment today feels like a milestone-choice from him

**Posted by Rob** July 18, 2017 4:49 am

Well you can ask Sean if couples counseling helped him...or individual counseling of himself or then wife...

I was going to counseling for me..my ex did not want the marriage and would not go to any counseling.

My therapist's statement when I first found out...I "would be supported whatever I chose...your wife is gay. .do you really think you can fix that"?

Seems standard..these spouses are fine and we are all in therapy. They say you can spot a narcissist by the path of destruction they leave around them...

**Posted by Kel** July 18, 2017 10:04 am

Sean, thanks for being here and being a voice in the wilderness. You have changed lives, to be sure.

I wish you all the best. Stop by now and again to say hi. You're family.

Kel

**Posted by phoenix** July 24, 2017 3:28 pm

Posted a note in the first post.

**Note from admin** Sean has elected to "retire" from duty as of July 2017 to focus more time on his children and his own personal needs. Anyone is welcome to post a reply at the end of the thread, but don't expect Sean to reply. I will leave this thread open for people to read and post as it has a WEALTH of valueble insight and advice that we can all benefit from. We thank him for his time and care and hope that someday he will return to continue efforts to help the str8 spouse communitiy.

**Posted by Sean** August 3, 2017 5:34 am

Good day forum! I apologize for not posting sooner but my former login (Séan) wasn't working; hence this new username and account. Thank you everyone for your kind messages. I've learned so much from this forum and from my exchanges with all of you. I do intend to check back in from time to time, but perhaps not as regularly (or perhaps as obsessively) as before. I hope you are all doing well.

**Posted by lily** August 3, 2017 3:25 pm

Hi Sean

nice to see you here again.

all the best, Lily

**Posted by Kel** August 3, 2017 3:28 pm

Hi Sean,

How's things going with the kiddos?

Kel

**Posted by Vee** August 3, 2017 6:16 pm

Hi Sean

As a wife of a newly out of the closet gay husband I have some questions for you if that's okay??
I have a husband who has come out and hes not sure, he has an emotional connection to me and a man. He is attracted to older men his fathers age and goes from man to man trying to find love, until he has come across a man who has final made his relies that he needs to be true to himself, and stop putting things into a box.
He could be Bi swinging more to gay? He has to control himself and stay away from me because he is still sexual attracted to me..... It has confused me, because if a man is gay he is gay and he would not want to have sex with a woman any more, am I correct?

**Posted by Sean** August 7, 2017 2:44 pm

Hi Vee. Thank you for sharing and please ask as many questions as you like. In reply:

1. I have a husband who has come out and he's not sure, he has an emotional connection to me and a man.

Understood. When did he come out to you? Are you still together?

2. He is attracted to older men his fathers age and goes from man to man trying to find love, until he has come across a man who has finally made him realize that he needs to be true to himself, and stop putting things into a box.

I see.

3. He could be bi swinging more to gay? He has to control himself and stay away from me because he is still sexually attracted to me..... It has confused me, because if a man is gay he is gay and he would not want to have sex with a woman any more, am I correct?

Please share as much as you can about your situation so that I and other members can weigh in. If your husband has a sexual interest in both men and women (with the woman being you his wife), yes I believe he could be bisexual. As I've shared in previous posts, I believe that sexuality exists on a spectrum from gay to straight. I myself am 100% gay, which means that I have no sexual attraction to women, nor do I want to be in a relationship with a woman. The most important issues are:

- What kind of relationship do you want?
- If you continue to have sex with your husband, please protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases.

I hope that helps in some way my friend. Please keep sharing.