Hi everyone I am new to the forum as a couple of months ago I found out my husband of 30+yrs is gay. I am struggling to cope. He told me he was struggling with something and he needed time, so I bent over backwards to let him know I was there for him that I was worried about his mental health, I comforted him, told him I would always be here through anything, because I didn’t know the bombshell he was about to drop. I feel like such an idiot. I was in shock, didn’t really ask him any questions and as soon as I found out I asked him to leave, which he did within 2 weeks.  He played the victim in that time, and since, and I gave him all the sympathy, not asking any difficult questions, I was only thinking about his well-being. He asked for my help setting him up, buying furniture, and everything else he needed, which I stupidly did. He is still using me for his own gain and I just can’t seem to say no to him. When I asked him when he knew he said, probably always but just couldn’t accept it, and it was only when both our mother’s died that he felt he could be himself. He says he’s only flirted but wants to take the next step, that I should be grateful he didn’t go further as there was plenty of opportunities. In the last few years he never allowed me to work, saying he was providing for us all so there was no need, but now he’s left, leaving me with a mortgage and bills while he is spending frivolously. I am furious but when I say anything I’m made out as the bad guy, if I ask any questions he doesn’t like he gets angry and leaves. I have managed to get a part time job but it’s not enough, I know I will eventually get more but it’s worrying me. I was always open minded about gay rights and people being allowed to be themselves etc but now all I see is gay relationships on tv and Pride everywhere and my stomach churns, I hate that I feel this way as everyone should be allowed to be who they are. He wants to stay friends but I think this is just so I give him help when he needs it. I try to limit contact, only texting him when necessary. I don’t really have anyone to speak to as I don’t have any family and he sectioned me off from all my friends years ago. I don’t want to go for counselling and where I stay I don’t see any resources for this anyway. To be honest he was my everything, even though we have had no sexual contact in years - he was stressed out at work etc which I fell for, giving him all the space he wanted. I just keep thinking of all the lies and deception and I can’t stop crying. We have a grown up child who lives with me but still sees him, and he uses the “sympathy card” with them too, he just has that personality that everyone falls for. He has portrayed himself as the fantastic family man and his charm still has everyone fooled, they see past what he has done to me, branding him “brave”. I feel so isolated in my own thoughts, I just don’t want to feel like this anymore, I was the “needed one” and now I feel useless. I have read nearly all the posts on here and see that things get better. I think I just needed to vent to people who, unfortunately have been through similar experiences. Only his family knows, and I know some of them are stunned, but he’s their brother so won’t say anything. I have no one who is completely on my side. He texts asking for favours, but not once has asked how I’m coping, financially or emotionally. He has told our child he is actively looking for a “connection” I am horrified, hurt, how can someone you have been with since childhood treat someone like this ? He has isolated me from people for years, so now I have no confidence. I feel unworthy, used, a total failure, Any advice ?