OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Straight clergy married to LGBT partners

**Posted by Straight Cleric** February 8, 2021 8:32 pm

I'm wondering if there are any clergy on this forum who have had spouses come out to them? I am a straight cleric married to a partner who came out as bisexual about a year ago. We are still together, doing okay. There was no deceit or cheating. Still looking to find the way forward and not sure what the future will ultimately hold. Even though I am a minister in a very open and affirming denomination, it still adds a layer of complexity to the situation.

**Posted by MyExodus** February 9, 2021 11:09 am

Welcome SC. Sorry that you have to be here; but glad you found us. I suggest two things to get support. One, look in the First-Aid thread under "General Discussion." That are some great starting points there. Two, you may want to post in the "Strategies for Moms" section. "Moms" stands for mixed orientation marriage. Those are the folks who are trying to stay in the relationship and save the marriage. There are all kinds of stories in this forum. Keep reading and posting and you'll find someone. I will tell you from my experience that my faith is what's getting me through this insanity. God has revealed himself to me, exquisitly, even in the darkest of these days.

**Posted by Straight Cleric** February 9, 2021 11:54 pm

Thank you. I have looked at a lot of the resources over the past year, followed the podcast and have a good therapist. I have found a lot of good information through Straight Spouse Network and have learned a lot.

**Posted by Dutchman** February 10, 2021 9:33 am

Hi SC,

I'm christian but not clergy. Married for 35 years, found myself to be in a MOM 15 years ago when my wife discovered she was lesbian.
Our faith was (and is) important to us, and helped us making decisions. Not because we think homosexuality is a sin, but by holding to the christian principles of love and faithfulness in marriage.
Not as a law we must keep or else... but because we choose it and think it's right and beautiful. We're monogamous, that's our 'nature', but I also wouldn't be able to reconcile anything else with my faith. Well I've more reasons for it also. Anyway, the alternative would have been divorce. Which would have been a sad option, but far better than self destruct.
Luckily it never came to this, we worked through the difficulties and are in a solid happy MOM for many years.

I know of this gay man, who is clergy, and in a MOM.
https://www.livingout.org/resources/stories/19/sean-and-gaby

Another link that may be useful:
http://thebibleindrag.blogspot.com/p/mixed-orientation-marriages.html

Last edited by Dutchman (February 10, 2021 9:37 am)

**Posted by Straight Cleric** February 11, 2021 10:18 pm

Thank you, Dutchman. I have read many of your posts and find them thoughtful and helpful. We have a pretty good marriage and both wish it to move forward and seem to be doing so. I think the fact that there has been no infidelity or secrecy before she came out to me has helped us avoid the sense of betrayal that many feel. The first few months were really rough as we wondered if we had a future, but now realizing that there are many paths and reading the stories of others has proved helpful. Thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for the additional resources.
SC